Showing posts with label Journal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journal. Show all posts

September 5th, 1763

After dinner last night we spent the evening together in the music parlour; I halfheartedly tried reading while listening to Emmeline playing the harp. She teased me about my reading, 'for it must be a most boring volume...' I was so distracted with her fingers crossing the strings and producing such wonderful melodies, that I forgot about the text in front of me or turning the pages of the book. It is like spending time with a lady one is courting and not one is married to. She has been very charming these last two days and I hope it will last for my aunts visit.

After I came back from Atherfold's place on Saturday, I was welcomed by my wife, leading me into the dining parlour, conversing with me easily over dinner and spending the whole evening with me reading in the library. I had to dismiss my plan to talk to her and instead I thought about a walk around the garden tonight. But it was too chilly and again I had to postpone it. Tonight we had Mr. Kettle and his wife as guests and though we joined the ladies as soon as possible, there was no point in kidnapping Emmeline. It wouldn't have been appropriate anyway, but now it is me, who become's a little uneasy about my aunts soon arrival at Leyland.

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September 4th, 1763

Today I spent most of the morning distracting Emmeline from my family's arrival. She seems not as nervous as she was the days before, but I think it is still adorable. Our marriage didn't start out well, but I feel it is becoming a better relationship. She tries very hard to be a good companion and my aunt will surely help her, in her own charming way, to settle down as a ... (house)wife.

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September 3rd, 1763

I had a note from my aunt today and could announce her soon arrival to my wife. She is again very afraid to meet members of my family. But I'm sure she will like them. And they will adore her.

I tried to describe aunt Susan to her, but this is difficult to endeavour. And I could only tell her about Frank at the time before I went to Quebec. He is seven years my junior and I have been away for a long time. But if he is still the charming boy I remember, they will become friends.

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September 2nd, 1763

How I regret it to be night again. I so value the time I share with my wife and to separate myself by going to my own chamber is very hard indeed. Having her near me that night at the Inn was the best night I ever had. I could feel her warmth and hear her soft sighs when she finally fell asleep.
Never will I forget this kiss and the first time my wife kissed me back. My hopes to make her falling in love with me have new fuel now and I am convinced the time we spent together will help us both.
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Letter to Ms Susan Cartwright, Bath

Wortham Hall, August 27th

My dearest Aunt!

Firstly I apologize for detaining you the pleasure of meeting my wife. I vastly regret not to have written for so long. I will, of course, explain everything to you and hope for your forgiveness.

Please, do us the pleasure of coming to Leyland, and furthermore, to bring Frank as well. We are currently staying at my wife's parents house, but are leaving for Leyland tomorrow. It is a wonderful coincidence as I need your advise in a very delicate matter.

I am looking forward to see you again,

and am ever your servant

Fitzwilliam Cartwright

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Letter to Fitzwilliam Cartwright

Bath, August 19th, 1763
My dearest Nephew,
it is very long since you wrote to your old aunt and I am quite impatient to see you again. Nevertheless I am not angry with you, nor will I scold you as I should. Therefore I will come to Leyland and visit you. But more important for your dearest aunt is meeting your wife, whom you have shamelessly held back. You should have come to town to introduce her or invited your relations to your wedding. But you have not. I demand explanations young man, as I am your most affectionate aunt,


Susan Cartwright


PS: It happens to be in my power to bring with me your cousin Frank. He is as impatient as myself.
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August 21st, 1763

My wife's birthday.

It is the first important date in our marriage and we are neither at home nor do I have a present for her. It would have been the ultimate chance to give her some token. But we are imprisoned here and with a cause I wish to forget. I will send Elliott to Carlisle tomorrow to ... No that will not do! I will go myself and get her some diamond pins for her cap! But she doesn't wear a cap... But nonetheless, she might have use for it to perch it into her hair... her wonderful hair... And a matching necklace or a cross or some ear-rings. I know she can wear snaps! And maybe a book. Something to cheer her up, to entertain her! I will go to Carlisle tomorrow and I shall ask Jeremiah to accompany me. Or rather Clive?

It is so late now. I should sleep, I suppose. If I could just find it! She's next door, right next door and so far away it seems.

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August 17th, 1763

After Mrs F blurted out the 'whole truth' or rather the unwelcome details of her son's dealings with my brother and his lover, I had a discussion with Clive, Jeremiah, Mr P and Mr F. We are to engage our lawyers in town to pursue the affair and to get proof of a marriage. Both fathers are to go to London and accompanied by Jeremiah, they want to have a secret look on the infamous Sarah.
It is important to act without attracting attention. Fred's lover has not yet made any claims for her daughter and according to Max she is not aware of her lover's fortune and position in society. I daresay, if Fred was married to her, he intended to keep her in the dark about his person and marry Emmeline nonetheless. Mr P is beside himself and had to be calmed by his son, who accuses himself for not having intervened in the whole engagement procedure. My father-in-law now told me, that Emmeline had objected to this engagement from the start, of which I'm glad to know.
She repeatedly told me, she was unsure of his conduct and didn't want to marry him.
If he only had listened to her wishes and acquiesced to bring her back home. Nothing embarrassing like being the fiancée of a demised gentleman would have happened to her. And she might have been happier at Wortham without this marriage being forced upon her. 'Cause nothing else it is (to her). She must think herself entrapped since she escaped my brother. And I'm guilty...
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August 16th, 1763

As if this day had not already been hard enough to endure, this odious woman had to lament on her family's bad fortune loudly in front of my wife. I had hoped to have a private interview with Emmeline tonight and tell her about the possibility of Fredericks marriage to a whore. Nothing else can she be. I know.... knew my brother well enough!
And my dear angel knows of her former fiancé's amours. What will now become of her opinion of him, my family and finally me!? I had the vain hope, she was warming up towards me and regarded me as her companion in life; but now all this is doomed and lost and I'm vexed to no bounds... If this had happened in my house, I had thrown Mrs F out of it with my own hands!
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August 14th, 1763

Alas, they have come. And indeed it was the weather which delayed their journey and had them imprisoned at Brackenthwaite for three days.

Mr F was ashamed to face his sister who punished him with pointed remarks and her indifference. She literally flew into her husbands arms when the ladies alighted form their coach and my heart skipped a beat, when Emmeline got out, smiled at me and gave me her hand. I sincerely hope I greeted her the way I intended it to be, but she didn't talk much at dinner today.

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August 13th, 1763

On arriving at Cresford Inn, I couldn't get any information of the whereabouts of J, Mrs O and Emmeline. The inn keeper told me of some stormy nights and that they were probably delayed on their way hither. I'm worried. It is past ten and they wouldn't be on any road at this time of night. I will have to be content to wait until the morning and if they're not here by luncheon, I'm going to check any inn on the road to Penrith.

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August 12th, 1763

Fortunately I had the good sense of taking my journal with me on this mission. And unfortunately this affair must be solved discretely, otherwise I would have asked Littledale for his help. But in this case it is Mr O who decides about the procedure.

I am glad we found Mr. Fairweather and I am also looking forward to be home again (in the near future). Going to Wortham is not actually an event I am looking forward to; but at least we have Jeremiah on our side. It is Emmeline I am worried about, as she is not even inclined to write to her family and the letters I receive on her account are not very assuring of the Porter's benevolence towards us; or me, in this case. - I wouldn't dream of isolating her from her family and J supports her attitude of being somewhat angry with them. Alas, he is now convinced of my worth being her husband, which hadn't been so at the beginning. I can understand his prejudices, as my brother was not a very gentlemanly fellow. I won't give up hope, that my wife will come to that conclusion herself one day...

We will reach Cresford tomorrow night and Mr O and I will have Jeremiah to support us with Mr F, who becomes more and more nervous by getting closer to Wortham. Mr O is a bit anxious of Maxwell trying to flee, but I think as a former soldier I will just knock him unconscious until we're there. I want this to be over and I want to see my wife again. It is strange to be away from her, though we're not exactly together at home. She took over her part as mistress of our house and that.............................. well, I'm beginning to over-estimate what I hope will come out in the end...

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London, Novemer 3rd 1762

Finally, I am freed of the Mercury and arrived in London today. My brother's house is empty, but Topper vowed his Master is in town, just staying at different, more remote lodgings... Well, it is Frederick after all.
I took my chamber like there haven't been years since I slept here. I am so tired. Nothing remarkable can be said or done right now, but that I am home; at last.
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November 9th, 1762

After I heard at the club of Fred's engagement, I waited for him at home to hear the news from himself. But he didn't show up all night and after breakfast today I decided to ride in the park. There I spotted him, with his fianceé. I had no idea he had father's carriage replaced and the ostentatiousness of his new vehicle suits him perfectly. Ms Porter looked misplaced in it and her unassuming demeanour contrasts with Fred's boastfulness. He introduced her to me again, as if our meeting at the ball on Friday hadn't happened or completely escaped his memory. She blushed at his obliviousness and greeted me in a very reserved manner. As I was on horseback and they in the carriage (accompanied by her brother), I didn't linger on and arranged to have dinner with my brother. I am still waiting for him to come home and will eat alone now. I am not at all in the mood to go out.

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November 5th, 1762

The moment I spotted her, I knew it was my brother's fiancée. And I knew she was the worst choice my brother had decided for; he would make her most unhappy and I cannot imagine her parents being ignorant of his conduct.
I wasn't the only one, who didn't liked the way he looked at her, the lady herself obviously abhorred the thought of him. I could see very clearly that she felt uncomfortable in his company and averse to his flirtations; Fred never did well at it in polite society. Genteel ladies always detested his ways.
Her parents wasted her to him, no doubt. He can't possibly feel anything for her, unless her dowry is large enough to attract him; still, tempted to end up marrying for money... he must be desperate. Why her parents seem to be eager to marry her off, I cannot fathom. Only the brother seems to suspect some inconsistency in his behaviour in general. Fred is not a charmer, he's a gambler.

Should I do something?
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London, November 3rd 1762

Finally, I am freed of the Mercury and arrived in London today. My brother's house is empty, but Topper vowed his Master is in town, just staying at different, more remote lodgings... Well, it is Frederick after all.
I took my chamber like there haven't been years since I slept here. I am so tired. Nothing remarkable can be said or done right now, but that I am home; at last.
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