September 12th, 1763

It was the first weekend at Leyland, which I seriously enjoyed. When Harriet stayed with us, I could bear it quite well to call it my home. When we went to Wortham I started to miss it, but thought it because of all the events concerning Fred and suddenly Harriet as well. When we came back, I was relieved to be here again, to see Miss B and to wander our garden. The quietude of my own chamber was the most luxurious thing... Saturdays dinner for Miss Susan was somewhat satisfactory. Cook did a wonderful job, with Frank as guest the young ladies were well entertained,even I sat down at the harp for one song. Miss Susans presence gave me confidence and I noticed how easy it could be to converse with our neighbours and Lord C's friends; though I cannot remember all we were talking about. Still, cards aren't the thing for me.
Sundays service was rather short in content, though not necessarily in lenght. But afterwards Miss Susan and I visited Mrs Higgenbotham. Miss Susan thinks her funny - possibly in a more urban way, as she is far more in elegant society than Mrs H could ever boast of... Last night was only family and later they told me stories about Franks and Fitzwilliams childhood at Leyland, about Miss Susans youth, her life in town.
This morning we made calls, wrote our letters, of which I had many piled up on my desk and later took a drive through the park with the gentlemen. Now I'm fatigued, but have to dress for dinner. No other guests tonight, but tea tomorrow at Miss B's.

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September 9th, 1763

This morning I received a letter from Harriet, who told me of her relatives bad behaviour and their subsequent return home. I immediately told Lord C about Max's absence from Wortham and he contacted his lawyer again, who is to inform him of any news to be got on Max and possibly the mysterious woman involved in the whole affair with Frederick.
I wanted to answer her right after breakfast, but Ms Susan caught me on my way to my desk and we went to the parlour discussing the dinner in her honour. It took all morning and my housekeeper was happy to return to cook to inform her of an elaborate scheme she would have only a day to prepare for. Nevertheless Ms Susans 'help' did help me and made me aware how I had neglected my housewifely duties.
The gentlemen were out, therefore we partook in a rather small repast, I had completely forgotten Harriets letter. But I did write a great deal, to Ms Susans amusement, though I could very well see her delight in advising me on how to see things in my house that needed my attention.
Thinking about it now, I see Leyland as my house, my household... my home I have to attend to... It is strange though.

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September 8th, 1763

night

When I came back from the garden this morning and joined Mrs Lewis in the kitchen to oversee the planning of dinner, I was informed that Ms Susan had stayed in her room, partaking of her breakfast upstairs. I was to come to my room as soon as I was able to join her. Upon my entrance into her room I was greeted most affectionately and found myself confronted with a familiar chatter, I knew of Mrs Higgenbotham, but the topics were far more interesting than hers. Ms Susan lived in a world I knew not, a free mind roaming about Bath and doing what she thought best and what made her happy and kept her entertained. So she did over her hot chocolate, telling one juicy story after another (I wondered if Lord C would disapprove, but he wasn't attending anyway...) and gossip about the ton and marriage mart as well as the newest plays and books and exhibitions. When I stayed in town I had no opportunity to catch up with this world, being on a constant run after possible husbands led by mother or my sisters. Ms Susan had me captivated and I immediately liked her a great deal...

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September 8th, 1763

morning

I came down early this morning to join our guests at breakfast, but Lord C and his cousin were already out riding and Ms Susan was not yet downstairs. Mrs. Lewis told me Mr. Frank will stay for two weeks, his Lordship's aunt two more and asked for my orders to prepare the following days. I decided for a family dinner today, but told her to join everyone in the kitchen later to speak about a larger dinner with neighbours in honour of Ms. Susan the day after tomorrow. Lord C said something about it on Tuesday and I think it is very appropriate.

Now after looking through my letters, nothing important, only from mother and Patsy, I decided to go for a short walk before heading towards the kitchen...

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September 7th, 1763

It is well after midnight and I'm "allowed" to go to bed. Lord C's aunt and cousin arrived two hours ago, completely exhausted from what sounded like an odyssey. Though we knew about their broken carriage and their being late to arrive, we were quite worried about their whereabouts. Ms. C assured us promptly that the inn was comfortable, the food acceptable and the roads dry again when they set out the following noon towards Leyland.

When we heard the commotion on the front lawn and the barking dogs, Lord C's first thought was about burglars and wanted to send me upstairs... but Brittles announced a carriage and we were assuaged immediately. Ms C was extremely tired and after being introduced by my husband, I let her upstairs and ordered her dinner to her room. Lord C did the same accompanying his cousin, who was more than eager to chat with him incessantly. Ms. C, or rather Aunt Susan (as I was ordered to call her), refreshed herself aided by her maid, but still able to talk at length about the journey. When she had changed and stepped in front of the screen, she smiled warmly and excused her endless chatter, embracing her "new niece" and asking a vast number of questions about my family, home, how I liked to be the mistress of my own house and so on... Finally she remembered the time and sent me to bed, wanting to see me in the breakfast parlour the next morning... (I went to find Mrs. Lewis at once to ask about Ms. C's usual time to get up!)

Now I'm exhausted and hope to find sleep directly.

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September 4th, 1763

Yesterday I went to see Ms. B and halfway towards the village we met, my friend in search of me. We turned our visit into a trip around the countryside and enjoyed the sunny day out. It is always so easy and comforting to talk to her. She seems to have a solution for everything... When she met her father's relatives the first time, it was an overwhelming experience. She was only fourteen and stepped into a totally different world. After loosing her parents and suddenly being dependent on strangers, she thought it a nightmare to leave her home and coming here. But no such horrible faith of many an orphan one hears about happened to her. And strangers became family instead. 'It is always a matter of luck, but nevertheless, you are an amiable person, Lady C, and his Lordship's aunt will surely be delighted to make your acquaintance! I have met her two years ago and she was very gracious to everyone around. You have nothing to fear. Your housekeeper will take care of everything and you will learn what pleases the aunt and make sure it will be more than acceptable for her to visit again. Nobody expects you to know the ways of people you have never met before. And you're newly-wed, my dear! You need time to learn about a new household and to change it to your wishes... I'm positively sure, Ms. Cartwright knows that and will in no way disregard your efforts so far.' - Dear Ms. B! I wish there were more efforts on my part so far, but she is right: it will take some time and as long as Lord C doesn't complain about my slow progress, I shall not fear anyone's contempt!!!

But my friend had other news for me. The old Sir Atherfold expects his heir to visit and the whole village is in an uproar; or rather the female inhabitants of it... Ms. B told me, the baronet's heir is a young bachelor from London, roguish but the most handsome and charming buck anyone has ever seen. Mrs. Higgenbotham seems to prepare her daughter to catch him and his future baronetcy of course, but as rumours have it, the young gentleman has more than one heart to break in the neighbourhood.

After taking Ms. B to her home, I went back to Leyland, much more composed and a little bit light-hearted.

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September 3rd, 1763

It is only a matter of one or two days and my Lord's aunt and cousin are arriving at Leyland. I'm most exceedingly terrified! Though he is assuring me of his aunt being 'most amiable' and his cousin 'a very good sort of fellow', it is still not in the least comforting. I haven't been a good wife, nor even a good mistress of this manner. I shall call on Ms B immediately! Heaven knows, I cannot sit still here, while Lord C is away on business and there's nothing for me to do in the house. Mrs Lewis already took care of everything, because, as she put it, 'she knows the ways of Ms Susan very well and how his Lordship's aunt wants her room to be prepared...' - Now there! If that doesn't say everything!?

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September 1st, 1763

I am really happy to be back home again and am enjoying the peace around the house. We're walking the garden every day now, my husband tightly holding my arm and also holding my hand in his. I never say very much and if I do, it is just answering his polite questions. Most of the time though we are speculating about Frederick. But no word from the London lawyer yet. But it must be even harder for Harriet, who's surrounded by her family and has to face her brother every day.

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August 29th, 1763

Back home. I can't believe how much I missed Leyland. Tonight we have Ms B and some other neighbours at our house. Dinner and cards...

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August 28th, 1763

This morning we left Wortham and I hope we do not have to return so soon. I will miss Harriet, but writing to her will be almost as comforting as having her with me. We had lunch at a small Inn I didn't know and tonight we stay at the usual place. There are many people visiting the lakes this summer and the Inn is very crowded. We had supper at a tiny table near the window and could overlook the main street with all the huzzle-buzzle of the travellers. Lord C is talking to our coachman and I have retired to our room. Tonight we have to share a bedroom, as the Inn has no rooms to spare for idle travellers like us... I'm anxious and very sure not to find a single minute's sleep.

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August 27th, 1763

My Lord had heard my prayers! We are going home.
Harriet was happy for me and promised to write almost every day. Clive and my dear friend want to move in a little house on her fathers estate to enjoy some privacy. Though her mother is more than happy about Harriet's 'situation', she is worried about Hester and doesn't want to tell her about her sisters pregnancy...
Lord C got a letter. And tomorrow morning we are leaving for Leyland.

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August 26th, 1763

The last two days only supported the growing boredom at my parents house. The days are repeating themselves and neither Lord C nor the Fairweathers can get any more details out of Max. He won't speak to any of them and Harriet is very worried. The accusations of her parents are puzzling us all. Whatever Fred and Max were up to, it is very strange Harriet, Lord C or I could have been involved... They apologized already but we all are still curious about any possible connection. My husband told my father this morning - we were at the breakfast table - that he asked his lawyer in town to investigate into the matter and to see if this infamous lady, at who's house they had found Max, knows more and would talk under the right circumstances.
When we ladies were alone later and I had no letters to answer my mother took the opportunity again to question me about the usual topic...
I want to be home.

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August 24th, 1763

A moment ago my husband left my chamber. He just staid for couple of minutes. Looking out of sorts and horribly nervous, he gave me a small deep-blue box crowned by a golden bow. 'It is for your birthday my lady. I was unprepared to stay for so long at Wortham and had no chance of bringing your gift with me. But it will be at home by now.' he whispered, not moving from his spot. I realised he wanted me to open it. Oh! He is so generous. I do not deserve this! Reluctantly I opened the tiny parcel and the most wondrous little thing was hidden inside: a golden bracelet made of delicate flowers, each with a diamond in it's centre. Adjoined was a small pendant and my name engraved into it: 'Emy'. He took the box out of my hands, placed it on my dressing table & went on to help me with the jewelry. 'The pendant is a hook, Emmeline, to help you with your knotting. I thought you might need one... <pause & clearing his throat> … as Mrs Lewis stumbles over your crochet hooks at the oddest places.' and he turned such a shade of pink I had never before seen on a man's countenance. I very much tried not to laugh at his clumsy attempt and thanked him: 'My lord, you are too generous! I am often so thoughtless to leave my work all about the house and will beg Mrs Lewis to forgive me...' - 'Oh no! You will not do such a thing, I beg you! Mrs Lewis... that is... she...' And then I couldn't restrain myself and laughed (but very briefly!) and thanked him again, in a thoroughly tactful voice! And he understood, smirked and after a light bow, left my room.

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August 23rd, 1763

Lord C has gone to Carlisle and took not only Mr O with him but also Jeremiah! What is this all about!? I do not think it connected with H's brother or Frederick – that cannot be... in Carlisle... He didn't say a word until after he had taken the other two gentleman to the stables and then I was noticed by servant! H is not to visit today. Her mother has taken her away as well. Now I am alone with my parents. Or rather my mother, because father had business to do and was to meet Mr F later this morning. I dreaded such an occasion ever since we came back to Wortham. My mother had nothing better to do, of course, than to question me like an ordinary thief caught by the high sherif. I suppose she meant well and thought herself asking me with all due sensibility about my marital circumstances. She had to ask, no doubt. I never answered her letter or those of my sisters. They were all just too curious. I were to if I had sold off my daughter to someone she didn't want to marry and see how she did in her new life. 'All is well.' I told her. 'He is the kindest of husbands and very unlike his late brother; thankfully.' And I didn't lie. Just spared a tiny part of the story...

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August 21st, 1763

After a long and tedious day that included my having a birthday dinner, my husband and I repaired to our apartment in the old wing of my parents house. Despite it being the  most neglected part of Wortham I cherish the peace we are left in there; far away from the family. Our adjoining bedchambers were the only ones that were tended to by a servant from time to time. My parents seized to have guests many years ago and no one cared about the dark rooms with their mixture of Jacobean and Queen Anne furniture. There we sat in silence and I after one long hour in which I tried to read & Lord C contemplating while staring onto the floor, I must have fallen asleep in my chair. But I wasn't sound asleep as my husband might have thought I was...

(c) Copyright. This drawing is not yet finished, but it fits so perfectly that I had to post it.

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August 20th, 1763

When I watched my husband today I had to think of the first time I met him.
When Frederick sought out my father to ask for my hand in marriage, he had in fact pursued this plan for a long while. When my brother got acquainted with him on a friends house party that last summer, Frederick informed him of being in search of a wife. My brother, who loves me dearly, thought him an adequate fellow to allow him curting me during the season. I stayed in town at my sister's house then and was chaperoned by Patsy and Violet in turns until my parents joined us there. It was my second season and my family was determined to dispose of me in a suitable and promising marriage. Shortly after their arrival, my brother and his family, too, joined us in town and brought with them, their new friend Frederick Cartwright. I remember the introduction well. My family was impressed by his person and all his character according to my brother's account of Lord Cartwright's conduct. I tried to make the best of it and even endeavoured to like him (in the beginning). But as we went about all the season's pleasures together, he aquired a quite different attitude towards my person. When we were less watched, after about two weeks, he turned saucy and I didn't like his conduct. He attempted to conceal his flirting about, but I soon discovered that his character was vain and he was very fond of the admiration of the female sex. I think he did it on purpose and wanted me to know. But in front of my family he was the perfect lover and my father soon accepted his proposal. Mother could not in the least understand my wish to break off the acquaintance and it was but too late when they told me about the upcoming engagement.
It was at a ball, when I was introduced by Lord Frederick to his younger brother, an army officer just returned from Quebec, that the engagement was made public and without my [approval]. After we went home I wanted to speak to my father, but he was stern in his decision and told me it was the best offer I could get and he didn't want and could afford another season. It was a hot argument and my mother, always interrupting, tried to persuade me to be happy about the positive outcome of the season. I had no idea why I should be married off so quickly and without any chance to decide on my own. I had this possibility the season before and though I rejected an offer by a gentleman of our immediate neighbourhood (to the utmost embarrassment of my parents), it hit me like a shock that they wanted to get rid of me. All seemed quite strange.

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August 19th, 1763

I cannot believe what my eyes show me! My brother and my husband are becoming friends. Or have become already. Something like that might occur between their sex when on a crusade against another male and perhaps for the virtue of some lady in distress, I believe. The funny thing is, they often stay friends thereafter. It is not like that with ladies. Not very often at least. And I for my part, have witnessed something different:

When I had to endure my first season in town, I had a friend coming from Bath who told me of her best friend and how they love each other so dearly, sharing any secret and would never have come anything between them. Well, until there came that gentleman from Essex; a very good looking fellow with an even more handsome purse and estate. - I never enjoyed a play in theatre better than this spectacle between sister-like ladies of the ton and their husband-hunting-war against each other. Unfortunately he went off to marry someone else entirely and my friend and her temporary enemy swore never to look at a man again - for friendship's sake. It lasted until the next season and they are still unmarried.

Musing about this, a theory is forming in my mind, that women are very strange characters when it comes to men. Jeremiah and Lord C kept me wondering about all this today.

We went for a drive around the estate. It was a nice outing and strangely not in the least awkward for any of us. It felt like we were brothers and sisters enjoying a ride through the park. Being unguarded the first time we set foot on my father's estate, we could discuss the problems at hand more freely. So I got to know that Mr Fairweather sr. already begged Clive's sincere pardon for having accused him of any knowledge or accompli[ce]. And that having brought Max back to his family wasn't the end of my husband's and my brother's involvement in this affair. I wasn't however satisfied in my curiosity about this Sarah, who vouched having been married to Frederick. Lord C only stated that he doubts it and thinks Max is hiding more information than he should...

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August 18th, 1763

Within all this hullabaloo, my father jumped from his chair this morning and read aloud the announcement of the birth of His Majesty's second son, Prince Frederick Augustus. He was born in London at St. James's and is to be christened by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Secker, in September. I didn't hear anymore, as he mumbled forth... - I wonder if this Sarah was married to Frederick and what will now happen to her daughter. And even if they weren't married, he achieved what Lord C and I are millennia away from: a child. I don't know what is bothering me more. I want to go home!

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August 16th, 1763

If one thinks it couldn't be any more complicated it pours down on one. After a strange night of sleeping in my old chamber and having breakfast with my family and Lord C at the same table, I tried in vain to hide behind an instrument and to play myself deaf to all the discussions about scandal and what on earth my husband had to do with it.

The Fairweathers were here as well and without any warning it burst out what no London gossip could make up in decades! - All the eyes turned on me and I knew within that very moment, that first: Harriet knew more than she had told me before and second, that my husband's eyes burned with anguish.

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August 15th, 1763

It was quite late when we arrived at Wortham, Jeremiah had his own horse brought to Cresford and rode in front of us. We were not only awaited by the Fairweathers but also, unfortunately, by the other Porters. I dreaded the moment when we would meet my parents, and I had no notion that they would wait for us at the Fairweather's house.
Due to the unusual cause of this meeting and the curiosity of it's origins and turn-outs, they left me in peace, were civil and all the dark clouds seemed to have been above Maxwell. It was noisy in Mr F's library and we ladies were discussing the possible connexions - to no avail.

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