September 8th, 1763

night

When I came back from the garden this morning and joined Mrs Lewis in the kitchen to oversee the planning of dinner, I was informed that Ms Susan had stayed in her room, partaking of her breakfast upstairs. I was to come to my room as soon as I was able to join her. Upon my entrance into her room I was greeted most affectionately and found myself confronted with a familiar chatter, I knew of Mrs Higgenbotham, but the topics were far more interesting than hers. Ms Susan lived in a world I knew not, a free mind roaming about Bath and doing what she thought best and what made her happy and kept her entertained. So she did over her hot chocolate, telling one juicy story after another (I wondered if Lord C would disapprove, but he wasn't attending anyway...) and gossip about the ton and marriage mart as well as the newest plays and books and exhibitions. When I stayed in town I had no opportunity to catch up with this world, being on a constant run after possible husbands led by mother or my sisters. Ms Susan had me captivated and I immediately liked her a great deal...

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September 8th, 1763

morning

I came down early this morning to join our guests at breakfast, but Lord C and his cousin were already out riding and Ms Susan was not yet downstairs. Mrs. Lewis told me Mr. Frank will stay for two weeks, his Lordship's aunt two more and asked for my orders to prepare the following days. I decided for a family dinner today, but told her to join everyone in the kitchen later to speak about a larger dinner with neighbours in honour of Ms. Susan the day after tomorrow. Lord C said something about it on Tuesday and I think it is very appropriate.

Now after looking through my letters, nothing important, only from mother and Patsy, I decided to go for a short walk before heading towards the kitchen...

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September 7th, 1763

It is well after midnight and I'm "allowed" to go to bed. Lord C's aunt and cousin arrived two hours ago, completely exhausted from what sounded like an odyssey. Though we knew about their broken carriage and their being late to arrive, we were quite worried about their whereabouts. Ms. C assured us promptly that the inn was comfortable, the food acceptable and the roads dry again when they set out the following noon towards Leyland.

When we heard the commotion on the front lawn and the barking dogs, Lord C's first thought was about burglars and wanted to send me upstairs... but Brittles announced a carriage and we were assuaged immediately. Ms C was extremely tired and after being introduced by my husband, I let her upstairs and ordered her dinner to her room. Lord C did the same accompanying his cousin, who was more than eager to chat with him incessantly. Ms. C, or rather Aunt Susan (as I was ordered to call her), refreshed herself aided by her maid, but still able to talk at length about the journey. When she had changed and stepped in front of the screen, she smiled warmly and excused her endless chatter, embracing her "new niece" and asking a vast number of questions about my family, home, how I liked to be the mistress of my own house and so on... Finally she remembered the time and sent me to bed, wanting to see me in the breakfast parlour the next morning... (I went to find Mrs. Lewis at once to ask about Ms. C's usual time to get up!)

Now I'm exhausted and hope to find sleep directly.

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August 1st, 1763

When Nancy got up this morning to look over the linen in the storeroom, she must not have trust her eyes, as there was clearly some amount of her work missing.
I had it brought up to my parlour to mend my lords shirts myself. Though I am not at all talented in mending anything beyond past-time stitching, I'll try this part of housewifely duties now. - I also advised Mrs Lewis to let me look after her masters neck clothes and earned a not very skilfully hidden but still approving smile from her. (I don't know yet, if I should let her get away with it...)

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July 31st, 1763

Today at service I caught myself praying for the gentlemen to succeed and coming back soon. Though I heartily enjoy spending time with Harriet in my own house and being at leisure to do what we like, their absence is nonetheless governing the atmosphere.
We took the girls out today in our small coaches and the misses enjoyed themselves tremendously. They were cheering at any turn of the road and urged Higgins to go even faster. Harriet, though sometimes a bit pale, and I, had at least the same amount of girlish fun on this adventure.
I had Mrs Lewis prepare some picnic and Tom and Neville were there in time to set it up for us on a small clearing near the stream.

No word from town or Harmondsworth yet...

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July 28th, 1763

We called today at Mrs H and had a most commotional morning, as she was more occupied with her new housemaid mending the pillows and sheets and related us her bad luck in not only losing a housemaid but also her housekeeper, who both went to Carlisle. Now she had to train the maid and to look for a new trustworthy housekeeper while she and her daughter had to cope with some of the house work themselves. And to double her trouble she complained about the butcher and advised me to weigh the meat, that comes in, myself, as she doesn't trust the regularity of his work "that old fox!"... - I think Mrs Lewis would get a heart attack after seeing me weighing the meat or doing anything down in the kitchen...

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July 25th, 1763

After Lord C had shown me his library, I wanted to read some of those books and now, that Harriet and I are alone and can't possibly visit all people around here every day, we decided to stay in the library. It is unbearably hot today but in this room. Since it is so warm this summer, I noticed how perfectly well Mrs Lewis had trained the staff to move around the house and shutting and opening the Venetian blinds according to the sun. I will keep that in mind, when we stay at other places. I never saw any of our servants running about at Wortham, nor ever hearing mama advice such things. Maybe she needn't bother; I should ask her some day...
We were comfortably reading and now and then browsing the shelves for treats of adventures or novels, when I stumbled upon an edition of Mandeville's "Fable of the Bees". Mama had me read it a dozen times and learn it from heart, when I was a child; how I detest that thing!
...containing several discourses, to demonstrate, that human frailties, during the degeneracy of mankind, may be turn'd to the advantage of civil society, and made to supply the place of moral virtues...
Thinking about it, it seems my mother saw me as the black sheep long before my rebellion against this marriage, though I always thought to be a good child... - I sincerely hope, this book was bought by Lord C's parents and not by himself; or I seriously have to watch him carefully...

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July 13th, 1763

I decided to finally write a letter to Harriet and ask her for more particulars, especially as I cannot wait another day for a more precise narration of her.
Since their departure the meals together with Lord C are a trying thing to endure. I try to converse with him about general matters and he politely answers and inquires about my day. Though I can clearly feel he's disapproving my non-house-working attitude, he doesn't say a single word. Another, not discussed problem between us is our non-marriage. It is burning in his eyes - since Harriet made me look more closely, I am more than aware of my husband's supressed feelings towards me (wherever and why at all they come from) and it makes me even more uncomfortable. With Harriet gone and no Mr O to distract him from his wife, I know not what to do. It is not really that I pity him, nor me. I so dearly want to find a solution of this misery and I think there is no other way than to talk to him.
I am determined to change my stupid deportment and will try to be a good wife and friend to my husband:

1. asking out Mrs. Lewis about how the late Lady C. managed the house and what was traditionally done for servants and tenants
2. stop being miserable, as I AM MARRIED and should be happy that it is to Lord C and not to his brother
3. trying to be more amiable towards my husband

Now I will write to Harriet, no matter if there will be a letter by the morrow. If that will be so, I will just write again.

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June 28th, 1763

Our guests arose around 8am today. We had breakfast together at 9, although Lord C already had a light breakfast very early around 7 (Mrs. Lewis told me). He took Mr O out to show him the green house and the trout stream as well as to talk about his own home in Gloucestershire – I think they'll become friends, there's a natural amity between them, that excites Harriet in particular. I only see the opportunity in seeing more of my friend when our husbands are very close...
I took her to the library and then for a walk in the garden. Luncheon was a light repast of bread, cold meats, cider and chocolate. We went to dress at about three and joined again about 4 for dinner. Today we had boiled meats and vegetables in the first course and ragout and fish for the second. After tea and coffee, the men amused themselves with books and talked of their respective new volumes. I took my needlework and had Harriet watch me and talk to me about the fashions of Bath.

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June 22nd, 1763

Mrs. Lewis showed the house to some visitors from Hampshire. The gentleman seemed to be a man of fashion and rejoiced in the simplicity and modernity of our rooms in whites, creams and stone colours and the gilding. Lord C just recently had the saloons supplied with new hangings and rearranged the fine paintings in the drawing room and the hunting pictures in the dining room.

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June 9th, 1763

Last night was a success. Lord C told me so this morning. So did Mrs. Lewis, our housekeeper. I am quite satisfied myself. Not that I had time to enjoy the music, but once in a while I could talk to Miss Bentham and Miss Higgenbotham. Unless I wasn't required to fulfil my duties as hostess, I used those moments to retreat to my chamber, freshen up and rest a bit.

I have quite a headache today. Probably an aftermath of last night's exhausting joy and good cheer.

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May 17th, 1763

Today is Lord C's birthday. I was told by Mrs. Lewis, who also informed me, that his Lordship is not celebrating either birthday or name day, but giving some money and food to the servants of Leyland and the poor in the neighbourhood.

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