September 4th, 1763

Yesterday I went to see Ms. B and halfway towards the village we met, my friend in search of me. We turned our visit into a trip around the countryside and enjoyed the sunny day out. It is always so easy and comforting to talk to her. She seems to have a solution for everything... When she met her father's relatives the first time, it was an overwhelming experience. She was only fourteen and stepped into a totally different world. After loosing her parents and suddenly being dependent on strangers, she thought it a nightmare to leave her home and coming here. But no such horrible faith of many an orphan one hears about happened to her. And strangers became family instead. 'It is always a matter of luck, but nevertheless, you are an amiable person, Lady C, and his Lordship's aunt will surely be delighted to make your acquaintance! I have met her two years ago and she was very gracious to everyone around. You have nothing to fear. Your housekeeper will take care of everything and you will learn what pleases the aunt and make sure it will be more than acceptable for her to visit again. Nobody expects you to know the ways of people you have never met before. And you're newly-wed, my dear! You need time to learn about a new household and to change it to your wishes... I'm positively sure, Ms. Cartwright knows that and will in no way disregard your efforts so far.' - Dear Ms. B! I wish there were more efforts on my part so far, but she is right: it will take some time and as long as Lord C doesn't complain about my slow progress, I shall not fear anyone's contempt!!!

But my friend had other news for me. The old Sir Atherfold expects his heir to visit and the whole village is in an uproar; or rather the female inhabitants of it... Ms. B told me, the baronet's heir is a young bachelor from London, roguish but the most handsome and charming buck anyone has ever seen. Mrs. Higgenbotham seems to prepare her daughter to catch him and his future baronetcy of course, but as rumours have it, the young gentleman has more than one heart to break in the neighbourhood.

After taking Ms. B to her home, I went back to Leyland, much more composed and a little bit light-hearted.

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August 29th, 1763

Back home. I can't believe how much I missed Leyland. Tonight we have Ms B and some other neighbours at our house. Dinner and cards...

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July 23rd, 1763

Ms B called this morning and Mrs H and her daughter came later to tea. We were invited to the Barrett's tonight for cards and stayed quite long; Mr B's sister insisting on some music as well.
I lost twice at Quadrille and Harriet rather liked to sit with Lady Humberdross, who never played cards or anything...
Sir H was not a good partner for me, as he never remembered which card was trump. After the second lost game I decided to relieve Mrs Kettle from from staying all night behind the harpsichord and, selfishly (i wouldn't lie to myself here), hid behind the instrument. It was soothing not to be bothered by anyone.
When we returned home, H was obviously in a good mood and we had some tea before we went to bed. Whatever Lady H had to tell her, it has brightened her up enormously.

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July 18th, 1763

After the gentlemen had left very early, I couldn't find any sleep whatsoever and then found Harriet awake as well. We didn't bother to wait for breakfast and just had tea, startling the housemaids not accustomed to see their mistress or a guest up and about at this hour and literally being in their way preparing the house for us coming down - which would have been much later usually... So we went for a walk in the garden, not hungry at all. We happened to walk quite far out into the park, sometimes talking, sometimes being silent, and only noticed we had lost our orientation, when we were finally hungry. Had it not been for Mr. Loughname to cross our path and leading us back to the main path and towards the house, we would have starved to death or wandered to Scotland...
We didn't talk about the latest incidents but about taking a house together in Bath as soon as our husbands would be back again. Making plans as ordinary as that was consoling indeed. - The summer still mainly ahead of us, Harriet desperately wanted to go to the seaside, but not our seaside in Cumberland, she was thinking about the fashionable one.

To day, we set out to visit Ms B as we hadn't been at the service yesterday. It was refreshing to think and talk of something entirely different. Although I hadn't seen her for a week, since last Sunday that is, I was glad she hadn't been at Leyland for a visit and would have observed my strange state of mind. She expressed her surprise of meeting Harriet so soon again and my friend and I decided mutely to let her in to the most general facts of what had happened. I was sure, and so was Harriet I suspect, that Ms B was the last person we coudln't trust and the most sympathetic friend we could find around here. And so it was indeed and Harriet seemed to be rather evidently relieved to have one confidant as supporting and impartial as Ms B.

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July 9th, 1763

Updated entry:
When I woke today, I couldn't quite persuade myself to get up and start with my usual morning habits. Harriet was gone, visiting her family. When the moment of farewell came, I was mentally frozen. I wished her and Clive a good journey, thanked them for their visit (and they in return thanked us for our hospitality and kindness) - all very formal phrases in completely unformal behaviour. My dearest friend did hold me tight for a considerable amount of time. A thought crossed my mind that Lord C would harrumph at the sight of this, but he didn't and I was glad... - so my mind was then singularly occupied with the fact of their leaving. It was after the coach had long vanished, when I realized that I was still staring after her. Even Lord C was still outside. We went for a walk then, which woke me from my lethargy. Then I was frightened. No time to compose and to rethink all I prepared for such a moment.

But alas! the Miss H. and her mother came to call and took me for a drive.

We had quite a nice visit after all. Though there's not much going on in the village, Miss H's mother always finds some kind of news and via her daughter we had our share of the gossip. It is said that there's an estate to be sold at the border of the county. And though it is only a rumour, Mrs. H seems to know a great deal about them. A rich merchant family from Carlisle wishes to move into the neighbourhood. I conceive that the bespoken estate must be Stackney Hall near the insignificant village Burton Stackney. I have heard about it before when Lord C and Mr O spoke about estate business. It is an mansion owned by the son of an impoverished Cumbrian family. A little more than 500 acres and the merchants will become gentry. But no one is talking about what will happen to the current owner. – When I went back and came to a home without my guests, I felt very lonely and stayed in my room. How will I be able to face him!?

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July 8th, 1763

It was our last day and Harriet and I spent our time in my apartment. We had our meals there together and left the men to themselves. I didn't want to think about the hour of her leaving. I was anxious to have her advice before she would leave and to have a clue about what to do about my married life. There was no way I could have asked for help from my family and also Miss B didn't made a position on such a list though she was so dear to me. Strangely enough that I want our neighbourhood to think us mutually harmonious, I came to the conclusion that I want it for Lord C's sake...

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July 5th, 1763

Harriet is the most wonderful person I can imagine. She was in love with Miss Bentham from the first minute. Though I told her in my letters about her and she pledged she already knew her like a sister, the got along like they've known each other for years. I know Harriet to be someone finding friends very easily, but surely it is also Miss Bentham who cannot but be liked by everyone who meets her.
Miss Bentham came to call upon us and was determined to see another lady today as well, but we imprisoned her with us, making the sudden rain a very profitable excuse to keep her with us.

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June 23rd, 1763

Today I went to see Miss Bentham and the other ladies at the parsonage.
We talked a great deal of all things not concerning the orphans or the sunday school, then the discussion came upon the need of new books for the circulation library.
Miss Bentham and I sat on a small sofa near the window and we agreed on meeting together tomorrow at Mrs. Higgenbotham's to discuss the books for the girls... Dear Miss B is really an angel. She lives for those little creatures and their welfare. It was ridiculous to see that nothing came about that afternoon and that the ladies kept idle conversation than doing anything useful...

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June 20th, 1763

Today I received a letter from Wortham, from my mother in particular, in which she announced exuberantly that Mrs P is with child again. An explanation for her temper before and after my wedding...
Timothy was inoculated against smallpox and rickets like Patsy's and Violet's children and also some servants were inoculated too. Father turned down an application by a manservant who wasn't inoculated. They are seriously worried about the first heir in their house.
Miss Bentham asked me if I were interested in a membership of the local circulation subscription library, which I approved and now I am to get new novels and essays and also to talk about them with her and some of the other ladies. Harriet will be happy not to be the only person any more who has to listen to my critics.

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June 17th, 1763

Tonight we went to the local assembly, to which we have been invited by Sir Atherfold. I had to promise we would attend. And so we went, although Lord C wasn't that excited to spend his friday night at the assembly rooms drinking tea. The dancing, too, is not very great there. So it was: Some were playing cards and drinking tea, others just walked around talking and flirting. As there wouldn't be a supper later, people came late because they had taken refreshments at home or at the inn down the lane. It was quite an informal event tonight, though there were some parties already outlining and keeping by themselves. Lord C. and I were guided to one of them by Sir Atherfold himself. We made up a group of 18 people. Lord C and I took a seat at the tea table with Mr. Barrett, his young wife, mother, sister and her husband. Others amused themselves closeby at one of the card tables, where Sir A. won again the game. His younger brother, sister, mother and her lady were sitting next to us at a different table watching the card group and the dancers in the next room, whom they could see very easily trough the huge open double door. It was a calm evening. The usual chatter. The usual music. Nothing really exciting. But better than staying home all day. I talked with Miss Bentham again and for most of the evening. She went home early, so did we. Lord C talked a great deal to young Barrett and his brother-in-law. I can't tell if he enjoyed his time, but he wasn't in a bad mood when we went home. - Unfortunately.

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June 9th, 1763

Last night was a success. Lord C told me so this morning. So did Mrs. Lewis, our housekeeper. I am quite satisfied myself. Not that I had time to enjoy the music, but once in a while I could talk to Miss Bentham and Miss Higgenbotham. Unless I wasn't required to fulfil my duties as hostess, I used those moments to retreat to my chamber, freshen up and rest a bit.

I have quite a headache today. Probably an aftermath of last night's exhausting joy and good cheer.

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June 5th, 1763

Miss Bentham, who called today at Leyland after church asked me for my assistance in helping the local sunday school. For I already help at the orphanage supported by charitable ladies of the neighbourhood, I thought it no bad idea to promise her my assisstance.
At dinner I talked to Lord C about it. First, he was almost surprised when I actually spoke to him, for we haven't talked since we were driving back from the ball and also not this morning... or anytime today. I was surprised at myself too, for I ususally am silent and count the minutes when he goes to his study for a half hour and I'm in the drawing room, ringing for tea and reading or already playing the harp in the next room... His steward requires this time in the evenings from time to time, especially when we dont have guests, which is a very seldom thing to occur anyway I believe.
So he allowed me assisting the charitable circle of the village and I'm going to take part at the meetings every fortnight at the parsonage.

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May 31st, 1763

Today I sat over a new started needlework, a template I got from Mrs. Higgenbotham. I answered her kind call and met her daughter again. Miss Bentham wanted to call later that day and I made my excuses for I had an appointment with his Lordship.
My music lesson started at 2 and I continued to play the new piano forte until dinner was ready.

We are invited to a Ball at the Humberdross's on the 4th. Lord C. is an old friend of Sir H. He is not to my liking nor is his wife. Her character is much too close to Mrs. P's for my taste and I can't find anything pleasant about her. But I'm looking forward to see Miss B. again.

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May 25th, 1763

Today Mrs. Higgenbotham, her daughter and Ms. Bentham came to pay me the visit they had promised me last sunday after service. I had quite forgotten it, because my head was anywhere but there. But I was happy to have guests who would divert me from brooding. They seemed to be quite charming ladies and it will be nice to have them as neighbours and regular visitors. I am happy to have a new acquaintance. And the two girls, Ms. Higgenbotham and Ms. Bentham are my age, so I think we will become friends in no time. His Lordship seems to approve of them and my acquaintance with them is acceptable, he said.

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