August 20th, 1763

When I watched my husband today I had to think of the first time I met him.
When Frederick sought out my father to ask for my hand in marriage, he had in fact pursued this plan for a long while. When my brother got acquainted with him on a friends house party that last summer, Frederick informed him of being in search of a wife. My brother, who loves me dearly, thought him an adequate fellow to allow him curting me during the season. I stayed in town at my sister's house then and was chaperoned by Patsy and Violet in turns until my parents joined us there. It was my second season and my family was determined to dispose of me in a suitable and promising marriage. Shortly after their arrival, my brother and his family, too, joined us in town and brought with them, their new friend Frederick Cartwright. I remember the introduction well. My family was impressed by his person and all his character according to my brother's account of Lord Cartwright's conduct. I tried to make the best of it and even endeavoured to like him (in the beginning). But as we went about all the season's pleasures together, he aquired a quite different attitude towards my person. When we were less watched, after about two weeks, he turned saucy and I didn't like his conduct. He attempted to conceal his flirting about, but I soon discovered that his character was vain and he was very fond of the admiration of the female sex. I think he did it on purpose and wanted me to know. But in front of my family he was the perfect lover and my father soon accepted his proposal. Mother could not in the least understand my wish to break off the acquaintance and it was but too late when they told me about the upcoming engagement.
It was at a ball, when I was introduced by Lord Frederick to his younger brother, an army officer just returned from Quebec, that the engagement was made public and without my [approval]. After we went home I wanted to speak to my father, but he was stern in his decision and told me it was the best offer I could get and he didn't want and could afford another season. It was a hot argument and my mother, always interrupting, tried to persuade me to be happy about the positive outcome of the season. I had no idea why I should be married off so quickly and without any chance to decide on my own. I had this possibility the season before and though I rejected an offer by a gentleman of our immediate neighbourhood (to the utmost embarrassment of my parents), it hit me like a shock that they wanted to get rid of me. All seemed quite strange.
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August 19th, 1763

I cannot believe what my eyes show me! My brother and my husband are becoming friends. Or have become already. Something like that might occur between their sex when on a crusade against another male and perhaps for the virtue of some lady in distress, I believe. The funny thing is, they often stay friends thereafter. It is not like that with ladies. Not very often at least. And I for my part, have witnessed something different:

When I had to endure my first season in town, I had a friend coming from Bath who told me of her best friend and how they love each other so dearly, sharing any secret and would never have come anything between them. Well, until there came that gentleman from Essex; a very good looking fellow with an even more handsome purse and estate. - I never enjoyed a play in theatre better than this spectacle between sister-like ladies of the ton and their husband-hunting-war against each other. Unfortunately he went off to marry someone else entirely and my friend and her temporary enemy swore never to look at a man again - for friendship's sake. It lasted until the next season and they are still unmarried.

Musing about this, a theory is forming in my mind, that women are very strange characters when it comes to men. Jeremiah and Lord C kept me wondering about all this today.

We went for a drive around the estate. It was a nice outing and strangely not in the least awkward for any of us. It felt like we were brothers and sisters enjoying a ride through the park. Being unguarded the first time we set foot on my father's estate, we could discuss the problems at hand more freely. So I got to know that Mr Fairweather sr. already begged Clive's sincere pardon for having accused him of any knowledge or accompli[ce]. And that having brought Max back to his family wasn't the end of my husband's and my brother's involvement in this affair. I wasn't however satisfied in my curiosity about this Sarah, who vouched having been married to Frederick. Lord C only stated that he doubts it and thinks Max is hiding more information than he should...

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August 18th, 1763

Within all this hullabaloo, my father jumped from his chair this morning and read aloud the announcement of the birth of His Majesty's second son, Prince Frederick Augustus. He was born in London at St. James's and is to be christened by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Secker, in September. I didn't hear anymore, as he mumbled forth... - I wonder if this Sarah was married to Frederick and what will now happen to her daughter. And even if they weren't married, he achieved what Lord C and I are millennia away from: a child. I don't know what is bothering me more. I want to go home!
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August 17th, 1763

After Mrs F blurted out the 'whole truth' or rather the unwelcome details of her son's dealings with my brother and his lover, I had a discussion with Clive, Jeremiah, Mr P and Mr F. We are to engage our lawyers in town to pursue the affair and to get proof of a marriage. Both fathers are to go to London and accompanied by Jeremiah, they want to have a secret look on the infamous Sarah.
It is important to act without attracting attention. Fred's lover has not yet made any claims for her daughter and according to Max she is not aware of her lover's fortune and position in society. I daresay, if Fred was married to her, he intended to keep her in the dark about his person and marry Emmeline nonetheless. Mr P is beside himself and had to be calmed by his son, who accuses himself for not having intervened in the whole engagement procedure. My father-in-law now told me, that Emmeline had objected to this engagement from the start, of which I'm glad to know.
She repeatedly told me, she was unsure of his conduct and didn't want to marry him.
If he only had listened to her wishes and acquiesced to bring her back home. Nothing embarrassing like being the fiancée of a demised gentleman would have happened to her. And she might have been happier at Wortham without this marriage being forced upon her. 'Cause nothing else it is (to her). She must think herself entrapped since she escaped my brother. And I'm guilty...
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August 16th, 1763

As if this day had not already been hard enough to endure, this odious woman had to lament on her family's bad fortune loudly in front of my wife. I had hoped to have a private interview with Emmeline tonight and tell her about the possibility of Fredericks marriage to a whore. Nothing else can she be. I know.... knew my brother well enough!
And my dear angel knows of her former fiancé's amours. What will now become of her opinion of him, my family and finally me!? I had the vain hope, she was warming up towards me and regarded me as her companion in life; but now all this is doomed and lost and I'm vexed to no bounds... If this had happened in my house, I had thrown Mrs F out of it with my own hands!
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