August 24th, 1763

A moment ago my husband left my chamber. He just staid for couple of minutes. Looking out of sorts and horribly nervous, he gave me a small deep-blue box crowned by a golden bow. 'It is for your birthday my lady. I was unprepared to stay for so long at Wortham and had no chance of bringing your gift with me. But it will be at home by now.' he whispered, not moving from his spot. I realised he wanted me to open it. Oh! He is so generous. I do not deserve this! Reluctantly I opened the tiny parcel and the most wondrous little thing was hidden inside: a golden bracelet made of delicate flowers, each with a diamond in it's centre. Adjoined was a small pendant and my name engraved into it: 'Emy'. He took the box out of my hands, placed it on my dressing table & went on to help me with the jewelry. 'The pendant is a hook, Emmeline, to help you with your knotting. I thought you might need one... <pause & clearing his throat> … as Mrs Lewis stumbles over your crochet hooks at the oddest places.' and he turned such a shade of pink I had never before seen on a man's countenance. I very much tried not to laugh at his clumsy attempt and thanked him: 'My lord, you are too generous! I am often so thoughtless to leave my work all about the house and will beg Mrs Lewis to forgive me...' - 'Oh no! You will not do such a thing, I beg you! Mrs Lewis... that is... she...' And then I couldn't restrain myself and laughed (but very briefly!) and thanked him again, in a thoroughly tactful voice! And he understood, smirked and after a light bow, left my room.
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August 23rd, 1763

Lord C has gone to Carlisle and took not only Mr O with him but also Jeremiah! What is this all about!? I do not think it connected with H's brother or Frederick – that cannot be... in Carlisle... He didn't say a word until after he had taken the other two gentleman to the stables and then I was noticed by servant! H is not to visit today. Her mother has taken her away as well. Now I am alone with my parents. Or rather my mother, because father had business to do and was to meet Mr F later this morning. I dreaded such an occasion ever since we came back to Wortham. My mother had nothing better to do, of course, than to question me like an ordinary thief caught by the high sherif. I suppose she meant well and thought herself asking me with all due sensibility about my marital circumstances. She had to ask, no doubt. I never answered her letter or those of my sisters. They were all just too curious. I were to if I had sold off my daughter to someone she didn't want to marry and see how she did in her new life. 'All is well.' I told her. 'He is the kindest of husbands and very unlike his late brother; thankfully.' And I didn't lie. Just spared a tiny part of the story...
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Letter to Ms Becky Porter

Wortham Hall, August 22nd 1763
Dearest Becky,
I thank you for your letter and your wishes. Moreover I send my regards to dear uncle P. Is your father better? How do you like Bath? Does it do him good? I hope you're in the best of spirits though and enjoy the town and parties. Are there many this time of year? I wish I had you at my side, but as it is, you must tend to your parent. All Wortham was in an uproar, but the families endeavoured to reconcile and we're all trying to clear up the whole matter. It is a great mystery though.
My dear cousin, I am looking forward in seeing you in town this season. We will come and stay at our new house at Holbourn. My Lord bought it only this summer and has it refurnished until we move in for the winter. I am quite excited. You always knew I didn't like London and all these people. But as it turns out since I am a married woman, I long to see my friends more than ever before. My husband is very kind to me and I want to answer your entreaties now that I'm more at ease with his affection for me. I cannot tell you though how I really feel towards him. Last night, as we sat in our parlour, where we escaped to have some peace from my family, I fell asleep. But only slightly. It was more of a slumber and some murmuring woke me up. Lord C was sitting next to me, holding a ribbon of mine and speaking to himself I supposed. He was deep in contemplation and had his head resting on his hand. From time to time he rubbed his eyes and temples and was always saying: 'Emmeline, my Emmeline. What can I do?' - I wondered what he was about and was just about opening my mouth to speak, when he kissed that ribbon. All of a sudden it struck me! This man is truly in love with me. Becky! How shall I go on from now? Just trying to be a good wife will never be enough! He deserves so much more! I had my eyes closed of course, but could feel his gaze nonetheless. A rap on the door literally came to my assistance and was an excuse to 'wake up'. The servant interrupting us just brought tea... Lord C had stood up and began pacing the room. Then, it was an awkward quarter of an hour when he wished me good night and went to his chamber. But I could hear him being awake for many hours, as was I. Oh Becky... How frustrating! How am I to fall in love with him!? What does it feel like anyway?
Harriet has come over to flee her family and I have to talk to her desperately as I did with you. I am counting the days until your reply will hopefully has some advise to offer for your poor Emy.
I am,
yrs affectionately,
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August 21st, 1763

My wife's birthday.

It is the first important date in our marriage and we are neither at home nor do I have a present for her. It would have been the ultimate chance to give her some token. But we are imprisoned here and with a cause I wish to forget. I will send Elliott to Carlisle tomorrow to ... No that will not do! I will go myself and get her some diamond pins for her cap! But she doesn't wear a cap... But nonetheless, she might have use for it to perch it into her hair... her wonderful hair... And a matching necklace or a cross or some ear-rings. I know she can wear snaps! And maybe a book. Something to cheer her up, to entertain her! I will go to Carlisle tomorrow and I shall ask Jeremiah to accompany me. Or rather Clive?

It is so late now. I should sleep, I suppose. If I could just find it! She's next door, right next door and so far away it seems.

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August 21st, 1763

After a long and tedious day that included my having a birthday dinner, my husband and I repaired to our apartment in the old wing of my parents house. Despite it being the  most neglected part of Wortham I cherish the peace we are left in there; far away from the family. Our adjoining bedchambers were the only ones that were tended to by a servant from time to time. My parents seized to have guests many years ago and no one cared about the dark rooms with their mixture of Jacobean and Queen Anne furniture. There we sat in silence and I after one long hour in which I tried to read & Lord C contemplating while staring onto the floor, I must have fallen asleep in my chair. But I wasn't sound asleep as my husband might have thought I was...

Emm and Fitz at Wortham 21Aug1763 by Claudia Rothe 13Oct2010

(c) Copyright. This drawing is not yet finished, but it fits so perfectly that I had to post it.

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