Letter to Ms Becky Porter

Wortham Hall, August 22nd 1763
Dearest Becky,
I thank you for your letter and your wishes. Moreover I send my regards to dear uncle P. Is your father better? How do you like Bath? Does it do him good? I hope you're in the best of spirits though and enjoy the town and parties. Are there many this time of year? I wish I had you at my side, but as it is, you must tend to your parent. All Wortham was in an uproar, but the families endeavoured to reconcile and we're all trying to clear up the whole matter. It is a great mystery though.
My dear cousin, I am looking forward in seeing you in town this season. We will come and stay at our new house at Holbourn. My Lord bought it only this summer and has it refurnished until we move in for the winter. I am quite excited. You always knew I didn't like London and all these people. But as it turns out since I am a married woman, I long to see my friends more than ever before. My husband is very kind to me and I want to answer your entreaties now that I'm more at ease with his affection for me. I cannot tell you though how I really feel towards him. Last night, as we sat in our parlour, where we escaped to have some peace from my family, I fell asleep. But only slightly. It was more of a slumber and some murmuring woke me up. Lord C was sitting next to me, holding a ribbon of mine and speaking to himself I supposed. He was deep in contemplation and had his head resting on his hand. From time to time he rubbed his eyes and temples and was always saying: 'Emmeline, my Emmeline. What can I do?' - I wondered what he was about and was just about opening my mouth to speak, when he kissed that ribbon. All of a sudden it struck me! This man is truly in love with me. Becky! How shall I go on from now? Just trying to be a good wife will never be enough! He deserves so much more! I had my eyes closed of course, but could feel his gaze nonetheless. A rap on the door literally came to my assistance and was an excuse to 'wake up'. The servant interrupting us just brought tea... Lord C had stood up and began pacing the room. Then, it was an awkward quarter of an hour when he wished me good night and went to his chamber. But I could hear him being awake for many hours, as was I. Oh Becky... How frustrating! How am I to fall in love with him!? What does it feel like anyway?
Harriet has come over to flee her family and I have to talk to her desperately as I did with you. I am counting the days until your reply will hopefully has some advise to offer for your poor Emy.
I am,
yrs affectionately,


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