June 29th, 1763

Lord C and Mr. O all day in his study. What are they talking about? - Harriet in my closet this morning. We were talking about her honeymoon while I was dressing... Somehow I realize, that my marriage is totally different from hers. How I had wished for a love match! I escaped Frederick and got his brother. When I look back now I can't remember to have respired from one fiancé's death to another's proposal. It was all so fast and at the same time the days passed by in slow motion with my hands tied together...
I watched my best friend and her husband today at dinner and I could see in their eyes what they mean to each other. How I long to... but what for!? Harriets words still ring in my ears...