Since their departure the meals together with Lord C are a trying thing to endure. I try to converse with him about general matters and he politely answers and inquires about my day. Though I can clearly feel he's disapproving my non-house-working attitude, he doesn't say a single word. Another, not discussed problem between us is our non-marriage. It is burning in his eyes - since Harriet made me look more closely, I am more than aware of my husband's supressed feelings towards me (wherever and why at all they come from) and it makes me even more uncomfortable. With Harriet gone and no Mr O to distract him from his wife, I know not what to do. It is not really that I pity him, nor me. I so dearly want to find a solution of this misery and I think there is no other way than to talk to him.
I am determined to change my stupid deportment and will try to be a good wife and friend to my husband:
1. asking out Mrs. Lewis about how the late Lady C. managed the house and what was traditionally done for servants and tenants
2. stop being miserable, as I AM MARRIED and should be happy that it is to Lord C and not to his brother
3. trying to be more amiable towards my husband
Now I will write to Harriet, no matter if there will be a letter by the morrow. If that will be so, I will just write again.