As Mrs. P forbid any noise in the house I coudln´t play the harp or anything. Reading was not possible as father occupied the library in a frantic search for diversion. Mother was in the nursery, being as helpful at the best. So I walked around the park at least three times today. Dinner was quite, only father as my company. J wasn´t hungry, Mrs. P stayed in the nursery and mother was so fatigued giving advices to everybody around that she went to bed very early.
Wortham Hall, April 6th, 1763
As Mrs. P forbid any noise in the house I coudln´t play the harp or anything. Reading was not possible as father occupied the library in a frantic search for diversion. Mother was in the nursery, being as helpful at the best. So I walked around the park at least three times today. Dinner was quite, only father as my company. J wasn´t hungry, Mrs. P stayed in the nursery and mother was so fatigued giving advices to everybody around that she went to bed very early.
Leyland Manor, April 3rd, 1763
The same procedure was very helpful at church this morning. We all went to service at the local parish church that is a 15 minute walk away from the house and located at the end of the main street of Leyland Village. While my parents took the carriage, J and Mrs. P were walking with us as chaperones. Coming up the lane and being visible to all in the churches vicinity, we were the talk of the day. His Lordship with his rumoured fiancée. We were greeted warmly by all and the vicar in particular. Lord C. enjoyed the trouble and nodded amiably to his acquaintances. - Service itself was as often a very tiresome event. I had to share the prayer book with his Lordship, because Mama forbid me to take mine with me. For exactly this purpose, I´m sure. She had a great time this morning...
Leyland Manor, April 2nd, 1763
Lord C. was very affable and talked a great deal about the upcoming improvements at the stables and the almost finished enhancement of the green house. There they went afterwards, J excited to be acquainted with all details of the drainage. - Mother and Mrs. P were skirling at every view they found beautiful enough to congratulate his Lordship in having such an estate and so perfectly situated.
I had to suppress the violent urge to yawn with excitement...
Leyland Manor, April 1st, 1763
Finally we arrived for dinner, sunset dousing the scenery in treacherously idyllic light. A symmetrical two-storey house, with a hall in it´s centre and leading to a great parlour. I didn´t saw much of the house, which will be mine too, very soon. We had dinner in the Great Dining Chamber on the first floor, climbing a two-flight staircase surveying the Hall with windows out onto the lawn and the drive. The Dining Room, right above the Great Parlour, had wide windows facing the Garden. A single handsome block with a hipped roof, as I found out the next morning, when walking through the garden. Dinner was tedious, my father talking of estate business with Lord C., my mother marvelling at the interior decorations. J intervening with highly intelligent remarks on the ingenious idea of removing the servants hall into the basement; a plan he won´t be able to put in practice at Wortham. While I kept my eyes on my plate, I felt his on me once in a while. I´m absolutely at a loss why he chose to submit to a union, well aware of his bride´s resistance to marry into his family. - But there again, I´m ignorant of the world. As far as I know, his brother was not prodigious enough to gamble away neither estate nor fortune. His losses must have been less than presumed by the ton. Still, His Lordship will be in need of my fortune in any case; to keep up the place, repair the roof, enlarge the property. Whatsoever he might want, he will get it; keeping my pin-money as low as possible. Shall I care? No,indeed, I shan´t. If he´ll be busy spending my money, I shall have my independence.
March 21st, 1763
The weather is exceptionally warm for this time of year and I use it as an excuse to walk the garden as often as possible. But I´m not allowed to ride or take a drive in the carriage alone, means, with a footman. What do they think I´m doing!? I won´t run away with nothing except my clothes on or on a horse! Where should I go anyway? The only person I can think of is Harriet and they would assume this at first too. She wouldn´t betray me of course and had actually asked my parents if I could stay with her until the wedding. But they declined. I could very well meet her literary friends and run off with one of them. Mother is less persuaded of Mr. Osberton´s worth than Harriet´s own mother, who was just happy to have her married to anyone, bluestocking that she is - well, to them. Only because she reads books and can distinguish between good and bad prose and has the unfortunate habit of thinking for herself doesn´t make her a bluestocking. The more I value Mr. O!
London, Novemer 3rd 1762
I took my chamber like there haven't been years since I slept here. I am so tired. Nothing remarkable can be said or done right now, but that I am home; at last.
Letter to Harriet Osberton
Dearest Harriet,
thank you for your charming letter and the book. I already started reading it and thought at first you are trying to tease me with it. But it turns out, Pamela is quite agreeable and pious, whereas I loath Mr. B and his schemes. He just imprisoned her with this odious housekeeper. I think you like these dramatic stories, Harriet, but I can´t find anything rewarding in reading this, than be more encouraged in my opinion that this marriage can´t be a good one.
How happy I am for you, that your neighbourhood is so pleasing. I so wish to visit you, but won´t be able till after the wedding. My parents surely won´t allow me to go anywhere before it and I daresay, that it will be very difficult once I am married. So we have to wait to see us again when we´re both in London next season. Lord C. has a very fine town house and it will be exceedingly comfortable not to have to rent one. There again, you would enjoy watching Mrs. P. being overly envious. - She keeps a friendly countenance when we´re together, but I guess she´s literally pining for my departure to Leyland.
We are actually going there at the beginning of April. I don´t know exactly for how long, but probably for a week or so. I´ll send you word when I know more, but Mother is quite secretive about it. But the wedding date is still set for mid-May. How I wish you could be there. I long to see you and talk to you in person.
How happy it makes me, that your dear Mr. Osberton loves and esteems you so much! It gives me great pleasure to know, that your love and confidence for each other will surely carry you two even through the heaviest hours. - How far are you with getting rid of the dust? I always thought you liked this romantic and picturesque idea of an old house full of books and timber worms!? Please tell me all of your new home, the garden, the small park you were marvelling at in your last note. I´m craving for your next message and remain
yours affectionately
E.P.
March 17th, 1763
It is a wonderfully ornamented lace veil, he desires me to wear at our wedding. It was his mother´s, I´m to understand. - Mrs. P. was ghastly envious about it.
March 15th, 1763
After dinner I have my usual position at the harp or the harpsichord to entertain my family and be occupied. They do not talk very much about it, when I´m present, but Mama is exuberantly happy, as if she is going to be married...
Mrs. P. is busy with her little one, that is crying more than any other of my nephews or nieces. He will be the most spoiled child ever. Fat and effete, when he´s grown up.
March 13th, 1763
Harriet told me in her letter, that accompanied the package, that it is a bestseller book and she was quite surprised, that I didn´t have it. Nor my father.
I don´t like the story. Not yet. It is very outrageous having this maid pursued by her master.
The service today was tiresome. The vicar was endlessly reporting on female virtues. After church my mother had her share and read me a sermon on exactly the same topic. I was relieved when her friend came to pay a call and I could hide myself at the harpsichord.
March 12th, 1763
Violet sent me new sheets from London and Harriet a package from Bristol, containing Samuel Richardson´s 'Pamela'. I don´t know what to think of it. I need to ask her, what she aimed to achieve with it.
March 10th, 1763
My dearest Emy,
at last I am able to write this letter worthy in length to my best friend.
I wish you to be well and happy as I am and hope your family is treating you better, now that you agreed to their wishes. Please, tell me you´re well, for I feel very bad indeed having left you at this time.
We are quite busy removing the dust here and make the house presentable to all our friends. You have to promise, to come and stay a long time as soon as you can. You are always very welcome. Clive, too, said as much and is happy to oblige every whim his little wife has.
Gloucestershire is really at the end of the world, but I will not complain, for the neighbourhood is very nice and close-by lives a very charming young family my Clive is befriended with for ages... We already dined there two times and they came yesterday to dine with us. We are a merry party.
Yours affectionately,
Harriet Osberton
How well that sounds!'
February 15th, 1763
Dear Sir,
I feel honoured by your proposal and gladly accept it.
My parents reckon mid - May as a proper time to have the wedding date set. Please inform me of your approval,
E.P.
It was done and I´m condemned to a life-sentence.
February 11th, 1763, night
My mother came up five times to check on my progress, every time getting more and more frustrated not to see a word on the page before me. Mrs. P. came and scolded me, whereas I literally threw her out on her ears.*
I wasn´t allowed to come down to dinner, unless I had finished the letter. How old am I? Twelve? I know, I´m not yet of age, but still, I´m not a little child - I might behave like one as to their lack of understanding - but all my sisters and also Jeremiah chose their spouses freely. I do not comprehend that there should be a scandal of me losing a fiancé, no matter how, and not marrying his brother, for God´s sake!
* In the north of England we get thrown out on our ears!
February 11th, 1763
And there I sit now, writing this instead, trying to get a clear head and to find words suitable of an assent to send someone I know not, met only once before and whose brother I loathed.
Letter from Lord C.
My lady,
by writing this letter, I sincerely and kindly request the honour of your hand in marriage.
My late brother´s demise deprived you of your deserved security in life. Therefore I beg your consent to take over the privilege and duty in marrying you which my brother is no more able to fulfil.
Unfortunately my current responsibilities at the estate and in town making it impossible to propose to you in person, as both, propriety and courtesy demand. For this lack I beg your forgiveness, and
remain,
ever your servant,
F.C., Esq.
February 5th, 1763
I´ll be Harriet´s maid of honour and we were talking for hours about her beau, who seems to be quite what she wants in her companion. He´s well-read, she said, and has many writer-friends he wants her to meet. They´ll have a fine circle, I daresay. She´s going to be happy, and I´m envious. What a bad friend I am!
February 4th, 1763
But it wasn´t the end of it. Out of the church, the freezing cold could only calm me for some time. I met Harriet, dear Harriet, on my way back home (for I walked down the lane, instead of riding in the carriage). She´s getting married, of all people!!! - Did I miss anyething specific!? Well, when I was in Town, she met this wonderful gentleman, who´s a younger son, but with his own moderate income and they are to go to Clarington, his humble estate in Gloucestershire. So far away. Not from town, of course not, but Wortham is at the end of the world! - What shall I do without my best friend?
February 3rd, 1763
I loath the slightest thought of this upcoming union. Being sold off to a destiny one thought to have been spared of. Shall I have to be content with it? No fighting? I have no faith in You! - For all I tried to convince my parents, the more they are determined.
January 15th, 1763
Not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the cruelty of this world. Of mankind. Of family!
I´m seriously devastated.
The more I sincerely beg my father to keep me at home or look for another suitor, the more my mother gets furious. I think I´m going to lose my wits. Nothing can be done. Oh, how very well I know, that nothing can be done to change their minds. Father was gone for five days; in Town I supposed. But he went to Leyland speaking with the new master. And now it is quite certain, that this man had accepted his former brother´s fiancée as his own and will marry me.
January 12th, 1763
It seems, my mother wants to get rid of me, as soon as propriety will allow. I´m the last of my sisters to be married off. And there I am, losing my fiancé; how unfortunate of me, they all tell me. My conscience is in no way of their opinion and rejoyced in the fact of so young a man dying on the mere eve of our marriage, I´m muted by my family´s ambitions. As if I had killed him...
Obedience is required, and more or less patience. He might not want me.
December 27th, 1762
Not only my mother was pampering me, my dear sisters and Mrs. P., too, had to have their share. The constant crying and babbling of their the infants couldn´t quite raise my mood for the festivities. They´ll stay until the end of January, when P´s confinement will have an end; but no end of my torture. Apparently.
December 21st, 1762
However, my father seemed a bit out of sorts, his spirits quite low, actually. I wondered all the time, what he wanted to say. It never struck me, that it still had to do with Lord C. - And worst of all, not even the dead one, no! The new Lord, the younger brother. This tall dark figure, who came to our London house a couple of days after his brother´s demise. I had not really looked at him; he just took my hand and condoled me and I condoled back. Well, his loss must be worse than mine.
Father questioned me, if I could imagine to marry after all. I told him, no and he dropped the matter.
Wortham, December 16th, 1762
London, November 30th, 1762
We went to church yesterday and also this morning, said prayers for him, so God might have mercy. - HE did have it with me. Thank you, my Lord. Thank you!
November 9th, 1762
I am so relieved to have had Becky for company tonight. She sent a missive this morning and invited herself to dinner. Patsy has gone into the country because of one of her children being ill. Violet has just returned from Bath to stay in town for couple of weeks before going back to see to her babe. But she won't be any help as it will be her chief concern to get entertained as much as possible during her stay. She will be out and about anyway. Mama is quite put out of her not bringing her grand-child, but father spoke in a most meaningful voice of her duty to look after me... After the first morning call we received Lord C visited and took me and J for a ride in his new coach. In the park we met his younger brother, who was on horseback and had searched Lord C for quite a while. I thought them to stay at the same house!? What a strange family!
Becky came early and we excused ourselves locking us up in my chamber. She told me of Lord C's general popularity amongst our sex but admitted not liking his pomposity. She too knew of him gambling a great deal. It was comforting to have her at my side and though we could not touch the topic at dinner – mama doesn't know of anything – my family left me in peace of anything concerning the engagement. I sincerely hope father will allow me to end it.
November 9th, 1762
After I heard at the club of Fred's engagement, I waited for him at home to hear the news from himself. But he didn't show up all night and after breakfast today I decided to ride in the park. There I spotted him, with his fianceé. I had no idea he had father's carriage replaced and the ostentatiousness of his new vehicle suits him perfectly. Ms Porter looked misplaced in it and her unassuming demeanour contrasts with Fred's boastfulness. He introduced her to me again, as if our meeting at the ball on Friday hadn't happened or completely escaped his memory. She blushed at his obliviousness and greeted me in a very reserved manner. As I was on horseback and they in the carriage (accompanied by her brother), I didn't linger on and arranged to have dinner with my brother. I am still waiting for him to come home and will eat alone now. I am not at all in the mood to go out.
Letter to Ms S. Cartwright
42 Queen Sq, November 8th 1762
Dearest Aunt,
as promised, a letter to send you my regards and wishes for your well-being.I arrived a couple days ago and stay with Frederick. Does he correspond with you as he should? I presume you will have me to inform you of his health and actions. Therefore I take the liberty of visiting you and hope you will receive me as hospitable as ever & I'm therefore looking forward to your delicious plum cakes.
Yrs,
Fitzwilliam C.
November 8th, 1762
Supported by dear Jeremiah I talked with father today and got him thinking about Lord C's conduct. I related to both of them, what he had told me the day before yesterday the moment my parents thought him asking me for my hand. J acknowledged my story with his suspicions about Lord C's character. Father is determined to inquire into the matter. But as he gave Lord C his permission to court and propose and as it is by now public, he had me promise to allow him some time and not to cry off the engagement. At first I thought his request very sensible, but now I suppose it is only his fear of being compromised. Father always thinks about the family honour and sees it threatened by my idea of crying off a very suitable match.
Letter to Harriet
Oh what agonies! It is mere minutes ago I got engaged! Yes, indeed! I am engaged! To that horrible man C. - You cannot imagine how distraught your friend is. I tried to get rid of him. I even said no and he laughed at me. He told me it was all written up and arranged. He just wanted to keep appearances by asking me. Being polite you know. This atrocious man! I told him I didn't care a jot for him and would never consent to marry an abominable character like he was. He sneered at me and replied he didn't care for me either but needed to get married. When my hopeful mother entered the scene, positively glowing for joy, she paid no thought whatsoever of asking me whether I consented! We were congratulated and even father made no move of inquiring. I was dumbfounded and the whole caboodle I found myself in turned black. When I woke up again I first thought it a very bad dream. Lord C had gone apparently and only my mother was with me. She then told me I had fainted and the gentleman had left us for my mother to see to my comfort. I immediately started to cry, dearest Harriet!, and my mother had no idea why I was so desolate. I explained her resolutely that I hated that man and never accepted his proposal. But she refused to listen and dismissed my sobs as something they were not: idle and girlish behaviour.
What am I to do, Harriet!? No one is listening!
Yrs,
E.
PS: I have forgotten to relate to you last night's ball, which was a desaster itself. Becky had to stay away, because my uncle was quite pained with his gouty leg. There was no one to save me! Lord C was shocklingly nasty all night and played the lover and even declared publicly in front of my family and his brother(!) of his intentions towards me. - Well, Harriet, his brother is back from I know not where. He is a soldier, but will sell his commission and go back to the Cartwright's estate or something. They do not look much alike but it is obvious they're brothers and the way that man stared at me, convinces me of his being exactly like his odious brother.
November 5th, 1762
I wasn't the only one, who didn't liked the way he looked at her, the lady herself obviously abhorred the thought of him. I could see very clearly that she felt uncomfortable in his company and averse to his flirtations; Fred never did well at it in polite society. Genteel ladies always detested his ways.
Her parents wasted her to him, no doubt. He can't possibly feel anything for her, unless her dowry is large enough to attract him; still, tempted to end up marrying for money... he must be desperate. Why her parents seem to be eager to marry her off, I cannot fathom. Only the brother seems to suspect some inconsistency in his behaviour in general. Fred is not a charmer, he's a gambler.
Should I do something?
Letter to Mr F. Littledale
42 Queen Sq, November 6th 1762
Dear Friend! I am back home now and stay in town at my brother's house. I hope you're well and enjoy being reunited to your family. I plan to go back to Leyland in a couple days to bid farewell to my father. Until then I try to meet with some old friends here in London and even to accompany my brother when he's out and about. He's the same as ever and except being not physically altered he's the worst rake in town. I am not back a week and already heard about his gambling and a mistress. Last night we went to a ball together. His purpose of dragging me there was to introduce his intended bride! For sure, Flynn! My brother wishes to marry. He of all people. He was scheming this little project for quite a while. That I knew instantly. He's friends with HER brother, whom he had met during the summer. And now he had pursued that girl for some weeks. The parents seem enchanted. Well, he's charming. At least for those who won't look past his perfectly well acted fascade. The girl is an angel for what I perceived. But a country girl. At first she seemed shy but during the course of the evening I discovered her being bored and annoyed with society. Not in general, but I daresay she detests town. Well, not just town! She didn't seem to like Fred at all. But her parents wouldn't see it. The brother is suspicious though and I pondered to talk to him, but my brother, stage director that he is, made an spectacle out of asking Ms P to become his wife. Not directly, yet speaking aloud in front of the parents and brother of intending to wed, while glancing meaningfully down at her. The poor thing turned crimson, the mother speechless and the brother pale. Only the father kept appearances and nodded. Fred is now paying them a call and no doubt speaking to the father. She is lost, I am afraid and will be made most unhappy.
I will let you know of my whereabouts and the time of going home.
My regards to your excellent father!
Yrs,
F.C.
To Ms. Rebecca Porter
please promise your tonight's attendance at the Lane's ball in Clarges Street. I am afraid HE will make a great scene of asking me to become his wife and I scarcely know how to stay out of his way. My mother literally forces me to go though I pretended to feel vastly unwell. I am now in my room looking down onto the street and it's bustle & wish to take a chair to see my dear cousin. Oh kind, lovely Becky, please stay by my side. I won't live through this night without you and you, my friend, have to advise me of how to not get engaged!
Until to night, I hope.
Yrs, E.
London, November 3rd 1762
I took my chamber like there haven't been years since I slept here. I am so tired. Nothing remarkable can be said or done right now, but that I am home; at last.