Merry Xmas von Emmeline Cartwrig...
September 3rd, 1763
It is only a matter of one or two days and my Lord's aunt and cousin are arriving at Leyland. I'm most exceedingly terrified! Though he is assuring me of his aunt being 'most amiable' and his cousin 'a very good sort of fellow', it is still not in the least comforting. I haven't been a good wife, nor even a good mistress of this manner. I shall call on Ms B immediately! Heaven knows, I cannot sit still here, while Lord C is away on business and there's nothing for me to do in the house. Mrs Lewis already took care of everything, because, as she put it, 'she knows the ways of Ms Susan very well and how his Lordship's aunt...
September 3rd, 1763
I had a note from my aunt today and could announce her soon arrival to my wife. She is again very afraid to meet members of my family. But I'm sure she will like them. And they will adore her. I tried to describe aunt Susan to her, but this is difficult to endeavour. And I could only tell her about Frank at the time before I went to Quebec. He is seven years my junior and I have been away for a long time. But if he is still the charming boy I remember, they will become friends....
September 2nd, 1763
How I regret it to be night again. I so value the time I share with my wife and to separate myself by going to my own chamber is very hard indeed. Having her near me that night at the Inn was the best night I ever had. I could feel her warmth and hear her soft sighs when she finally fell asleep.
Never will I forget this kiss and the first time my wife kissed me back. My hopes to make her falling in love with me have new fuel now and I am convinced the time we spent together will help us bot...
Letter to Harriet
Leyland Manor, September 2nd, 1763My dearest sister,
it is five days already since we're home. Your Emy was very busy visiting all the neighbours and we had guests on the day we arrived. Ms B greets you very warmly and hopes you are well. We had a charming night with cards and I returned many a visit to my ladies this week. Furthermore we are expecting a family visit. Lord C's aunt and his cousin – not the son of the aforesaid aunt – are coming to Leyland and will stay for a while. He only told me on our journey hereto and sent me into quite some anguish about who they are, how they are like, if they will like me and so on....
September 1st, 1763
I am really happy to be back home again and am enjoying the peace around the house. We're walking the garden every day now, my husband tightly holding my arm and also holding my hand in his. I never say very much and if I do, it is just answering his polite questions. Most of the time though we are speculating about Frederick. But no word from the London lawyer yet. But it must be even harder for Harriet, who's surrounded by her family and has to face her brother every da...
August 29th, 1763
Back home. I can't believe how much I missed Leyland. Tonight we have Ms B and some other neighbours at our house. Dinner and cards......
August 28th, 1763
This morning we left Wortham and I hope we do not have to return so soon. I will miss Harriet, but writing to her will be almost as comforting as having her with me. We had lunch at a small Inn I didn't know and tonight we stay at the usual place. There are many people visiting the lakes this summer and the Inn is very crowded. We had supper at a tiny table near the window and could overlook the main street with all the huzzle-buzzle of the travellers. Lord C is talking to our coachman and I have retired to our room. Tonight we have to share a bedroom, as the Inn has no rooms to spare for idle travellers like us... I'm anxious...
Letter to Ms Susan Cartwright, Bath
Wortham Hall, August 27th My dearest Aunt! Firstly I apologize for detaining you the pleasure of meeting my wife. I vastly regret not to have written for so long. I will, of course, explain everything to you and hope for your forgiveness. Please, do us the pleasure of coming to Leyland, and furthermore, to bring Frank as well. We are currently staying at my wife's parents house, but are leaving for Leyland tomorrow. It is a wonderful coincidence as I need your advise in a very delicate matter. I am looking forward to see you again, and am ever your servant Fitzwilliam Cartwright...
Letter to Fitzwilliam Cartwright
Bath, August 19th, 1763 My dearest Nephew,
it is very long since you wrote to your old aunt and I am quite impatient to see you again. Nevertheless I am not angry with you, nor will I scold you as I should. Therefore I will come to Leyland and visit you. But more important for your dearest aunt is meeting your wife, whom you have shamelessly held back. You should have come to town to introduce her or invited your relations to your wedding. But you have not. I demand explanations young man, as I am your most affectionate aunt,
Susan Cartwright
PS: It happens to be in my power to bring with me your cousin Frank. He is as...
August 27th, 1763
My Lord had heard my prayers! We are going home.
Harriet was happy for me and promised to write almost every day. Clive and my dear friend want to move in a little house on her fathers estate to enjoy some privacy. Though her mother is more than happy about Harriet's 'situation', she is worried about Hester and doesn't want to tell her about her sisters pregnancy...
Lord C got a letter. And tomorrow morning we are leaving for Leylan...
August 26th, 1763
The last two days only supported the growing boredom at my parents house. The days are repeating themselves and neither Lord C nor the Fairweathers can get any more details out of Max. He won't speak to any of them and Harriet is very worried. The accusations of her parents are puzzling us all. Whatever Fred and Max were up to, it is very strange Harriet, Lord C or I could have been involved... They apologized already but we all are still curious about any possible connection. My husband told my father this morning - we were at the breakfast table - that he asked his lawyer in town to investigate into the matter and to see...
August 24th, 1763
A moment ago my husband left my chamber. He just staid for couple of minutes. Looking out of sorts and horribly nervous, he gave me a small deep-blue box crowned by a golden bow. 'It is for your birthday my lady. I was unprepared to stay for so long at Wortham and had no chance of bringing your gift with me. But it will be at home by now.' he whispered, not moving from his spot. I realised he wanted me to open it. Oh! He is so generous. I do not deserve this! Reluctantly I opened the tiny parcel and the most wondrous little thing was hidden inside: a golden bracelet made of delicate flowers, each with a diamond in it's centre....
August 23rd, 1763
Lord C has gone to Carlisle and took not only Mr O with him but also Jeremiah! What is this all about!? I do not think it connected with H's brother or Frederick – that cannot be... in Carlisle... He didn't say a word until after he had taken the other two gentleman to the stables and then I was noticed by servant! H is not to visit today. Her mother has taken her away as well. Now I am alone with my parents. Or rather my mother, because father had business to do and was to meet Mr F later this morning. I dreaded such an occasion ever since we came back to Wortham. My mother had nothing better to do, of course, than to question...
Letter to Ms Becky Porter
Wortham Hall, August 22nd 1763Dearest Becky,
I thank you for your letter and your wishes. Moreover I send my regards to dear uncle P. Is your father better? How do you like Bath? Does it do him good? I hope you're in the best of spirits though and enjoy the town and parties. Are there many this time of year? I wish I had you at my side, but as it is, you must tend to your parent. All Wortham was in an uproar, but the families endeavoured to reconcile and we're all trying to clear up the whole matter. It is a great mystery though.
My dear cousin, I am looking forward in seeing you in town this season. We will come and stay...
August 21st, 1763
My wife's birthday. It is the first important date in our marriage and we are neither at home nor do I have a present for her. It would have been the ultimate chance to give her some token. But we are imprisoned here and with a cause I wish to forget. I will send Elliott to Carlisle tomorrow to ... No that will not do! I will go myself and get her some diamond pins for her cap! But she doesn't wear a cap... But nonetheless, she might have use for it to perch it into her hair... her wonderful hair... And a matching necklace or a cross or some ear-rings. I know she can wear snaps! And maybe a book. Something to cheer her up,...
August 21st, 1763
After a long and tedious day that included my having a birthday dinner, my husband and I repaired to our apartment in the old wing of my parents house. Despite it being the most neglected part of Wortham I cherish the peace we are left in there; far away from the family. Our adjoining bedchambers were the only ones that were tended to by a servant from time to time. My parents seized to have guests many years ago and no one cared about the dark rooms with their mixture of Jacobean and Queen Anne furniture. There we sat in silence...
August 20th, 1763
When I watched my husband today I had to think of the first time I met him.
When Frederick sought out my father to ask for my hand in marriage, he had in fact pursued this plan for a long while. When my brother got acquainted with him on a friends house party that last summer, Frederick informed him of being in search of a wife. My brother, who loves me dearly, thought him an adequate fellow to allow him curting me during the season. I stayed in town at my sister's house then and was chaperoned by Patsy and Violet in turns until my parents joined us there. It was my second season and my family was determined to dispose of...
August 19th, 1763
I cannot believe what my eyes show me! My brother and my husband are becoming friends. Or have become already. Something like that might occur between their sex when on a crusade against another male and perhaps for the virtue of some lady in distress, I believe. The funny thing is, they often stay friends thereafter. It is not like that with ladies. Not very often at least. And I for my part, have witnessed something different: When I had to endure my first season in town, I had a friend coming from Bath who told me of her best friend and how they love each other so dearly, sharing any secret and would never have come...
August 18th, 1763
Within all this hullabaloo, my father jumped from his chair this morning and read aloud the announcement of the birth of His Majesty's second son, Prince Frederick Augustus. He was born in London at St. James's and is to be christened by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Secker, in September. I didn't hear anymore, as he mumbled forth... - I wonder if this Sarah was married to Frederick and what will now happen to her daughter. And even if they weren't married, he achieved what Lord C and I are millennia away from: a child. I don't know what is bothering me more. I want to go hom...
August 17th, 1763
After Mrs F blurted out the 'whole truth' or rather the unwelcome details of her son's dealings with my brother and his lover, I had a discussion with Clive, Jeremiah, Mr P and Mr F. We are to engage our lawyers in town to pursue the affair and to get proof of a marriage. Both fathers are to go to London and accompanied by Jeremiah, they want to have a secret look on the infamous Sarah.
It is important to act without attracting attention. Fred's lover has not yet made any claims for her daughter and according to Max she is not aware of her lover's fortune and position in society. I daresay, if Fred was married to her, he...
August 16th, 1763
As if this day had not already been hard enough to endure, this odious woman had to lament on her family's bad fortune loudly in front of my wife. I had hoped to have a private interview with Emmeline tonight and tell her about the possibility of Fredericks marriage to a whore. Nothing else can she be. I know.... knew my brother well enough!
And my dear angel knows of her former fiancé's amours. What will now become of her opinion of him, my family and finally me!? I had the vain hope, she was warming up towards me and regarded me as her companion in life; but now all this is doomed and lost and I'm vexed to no bounds......
August 16th, 1763
If one thinks it couldn't be any more complicated it pours down on one. After a strange night of sleeping in my old chamber and having breakfast with my family and Lord C at the same table, I tried in vain to hide behind an instrument and to play myself deaf to all the discussions about scandal and what on earth my husband had to do with it.The Fairweathers were here as well and without any warning it burst out what no London gossip could make up in decades! - All the eyes turned on me and I knew within that very moment, that first: Harriet knew more than she had told me before and second, that my husband's eyes burned with...
August 15th, 1763
It was quite late when we arrived at Wortham, Jeremiah had his own horse brought to Cresford and rode in front of us. We were not only awaited by the Fairweathers but also, unfortunately, by the other Porters. I dreaded the moment when we would meet my parents, and I had no notion that they would wait for us at the Fairweather's house.Due to the unusual cause of this meeting and the curiosity of it's origins and turn-outs, they left me in peace, were civil and all the dark clouds seemed to have been above Maxwell. It was noisy in Mr F's library and we ladies were discussing the possible connexions - to no avai...
August 14th, 1763
Morning - when I woke up, the weather promised our almost immediate departure from Brackenthwaite. I longed to get on and towards Cresford. Harriet must be craving for her Clive. I am curious how she will proceed with her brother. Jeremiah instead understood it to remind me of the meeting with the rest of my family. I haven't thought of that at all. All I had thought of was the mystery about Harriet's family. Now I am anxious. I do not wish to face them. Not entirely because I haven't answered their letters, but being a guest in their house won't make it easier to run from their curiosity and constant inquiries after...
August 14th, 1763
Alas, they have come. And indeed it was the weather which delayed their journey and had them imprisoned at Brackenthwaite for three days. Mr F was ashamed to face his sister who punished him with pointed remarks and her indifference. She literally flew into her husbands arms when the ladies alighted form their coach and my heart skipped a beat, when Emmeline got out, smiled at me and gave me her hand. I sincerely hope I greeted her the way I intended it to be, but she didn't talk much at dinner today....
August 13th, 1763
On arriving at Cresford Inn, I couldn't get any information of the whereabouts of J, Mrs O and Emmeline. The inn keeper told me of some stormy nights and that they were probably delayed on their way hither. I'm worried. It is past ten and they wouldn't be on any road at this time of night. I will have to be content to wait until the morning and if they're not here by luncheon, I'm going to check any inn on the road to Penrith....
August 12th, 1763
Fortunately I had the good sense of taking my journal with me on this mission. And unfortunately this affair must be solved discretely, otherwise I would have asked Littledale for his help. But in this case it is Mr O who decides about the procedure. I am glad we found Mr. Fairweather and I am also looking forward to be home again (in the near future). Going to Wortham is not actually an event I am looking forward to; but at least we have Jeremiah on our side. It is Emmeline I am worried about, as she is not even inclined to write to her family and the letters I receive on her account are not very assuring of the Porter's...
August 10th, 1763
We arrived at Brackenthwaite and wanted to take some luncheon and have the horses rest for while, when we were surprised by a heavy thunderstorm. It was uncommonly hot since last week and it was conceivable that it was to rain some time; but it poured down horribly and it was very stormy indeed. It didn't stop for hours and we had no other possibility than to while away the time inside the inn. We then arranged to stay for the night, as did many other travellers. Though our attempted destination was Cresford to meet the other gentlemen, we acquiesced ourselves into our lot. - It is the same inn, Lord C and I stopped at after...
August 9th, 1763
Jeremiah arrived today on horseback. He vouched he stopped at an Inn last night and is quite well, but he is doubtless exhausted. At first it was awkward to have him at our home, but after he had some luncheon and refreshed himself for a while upstairs, he joined me in the music room and chatted eagerly about our family back home, his little son and annoying wife. He seriously confessed his dislike on her temper when with child. Outrageous! But he's my brother, my dear Jeremiah... And on the other hand I wondered why he is annoyed with her moods only when pregnant; I think her insufferable all the time. Mama and Papa are...
August 6th, 1763
We are preparing to go to Wortham. I had a letter from my brother informing me, that he will come to Leyland and accompany us there. Lord C and Clive will meet us at Cresford and from there we will go together. It is most mysterious as neither Jeremiah nor Harriet told me what all the stealthiness is about. I know when someone is keeping something from me. They act strange and it is so obvious they are hiding important information. But I am not yet worried. They are all well and they come together. So no duel between Max and Lord C or Clive. We all will be reunited and all will be well. The only thing I am not looking forward...
Letter to Harriet
The Five Bells, Harmondsworth VillageJuly 30th
My darling Harriet,
three days we have been here and after some misinterpreted directions, we found your brother and are now negotiating with him his return to your family and him issuing a statement what happened, after which we will leave him with your father to unravel their problems.
I miss you and it will take us some days to come to Cumberland. I will send you notice on time to meet us, so we can go to Wortham together.
I don't know how much I should tell you so far; everything is quite a mess and scandalous. I beg you, as does Lord Cartwright, not to consign anything...
August 1st, 1763
When Nancy got up this morning to look over the linen in the storeroom, she must not have trust her eyes, as there was clearly some amount of her work missing.
I had it brought up to my parlour to mend my lords shirts myself. Though I am not at all talented in mending anything beyond past-time stitching, I'll try this part of housewifely duties now. - I also advised Mrs Lewis to let me look after her masters neck clothes and earned a not very skilfully hidden but still approving smile from her. (I don't know yet, if I should let her get away with it.....
July 31st, 1763
Today at service I caught myself praying for the gentlemen to succeed and coming back soon. Though I heartily enjoy spending time with Harriet in my own house and being at leisure to do what we like, their absence is nonetheless governing the atmosphere.We took the girls out today in our small coaches and the misses enjoyed themselves tremendously. They were cheering at any turn of the road and urged Higgins to go even faster. Harriet, though sometimes a bit pale, and I, had at least the same amount of girlish fun on this adventure.I had Mrs Lewis prepare some picnic and Tom and Neville were there in time to set it up for...
Letter to Emmeline
32 Bedford Row, London
My lady,
let me at first assure you, we are all well and are conducting this business as fast as possible. Your brother joins us at our house the day after we arrived and had since supported us in finding Mr F. He wishes me to tell you, that neither your parents nor Mrs O's family was or is involved in any of this. - He will write to you himself.
On the same day we arrived, Mr Tredwell called and we planned our next steps in pursuing Mr F. Our first attempt at Boodle's was fruitless and the only information we acquired was his absence from town. We had Elliott looking everywhere about Mr F's possible...
July 29th, 1763
When I went down for breakfast, Mr Brittles just brought the mail.Until that moment, I hadn't realized how I waited for word from my husband. It was a heavy envelope & when I opened it, I knew why: Lord C had sent his letter together with that of Clive to Harriet in one package. He then explained to me, they wanted to be sure we get them at the same time. Leaving tea and rolls aside, we read our letters at onc...
July 28th, 1763
We called today at Mrs H and had a most commotional morning, as she was more occupied with her new housemaid mending the pillows and sheets and related us her bad luck in not only losing a housemaid but also her housekeeper, who both went to Carlisle. Now she had to train the maid and to look for a new trustworthy housekeeper while she and her daughter had to cope with some of the house work themselves. And to double her trouble she complained about the butcher and advised me to weigh the meat, that comes in, myself, as she doesn't trust the regularity of his work "that old fox!"... - I think Mrs Lewis would get a heart attack...
July 27th, 1763 - night
I won't possibly ever forget this day. My dearest Harriet told me this morning, that she is quite sure to be with child. Somehow I expected it to occur in the near future. And somehow I feared it would be so soon.When Harriet was to become a mother....
Letter to Emmeline
32 Bedford Row, London
July 22nd
My lady,
be assured, we safely arrived in town this morning and already found a note by Mr. Tredwell, who would come to see us today. Mr. Osberton will send his own note to Mrs O and just asked me to pass on his regards to you.
As soon as we know more and how we will proceed, I will write to you again. Please trust me to deal with this matter and don't answer any inquiries whatsoever from your family yet.
I remain
your servant,
...
July 27th, 1763
Finally. A note from Lord C and Clive of their arrival at our London town house.And I was mroe than assuaged to know, they safely reached town.When I looked up, I could see Harriet closely examine her note from her husband with slightly more content (but no more information).As women, we had to sit it out and wait and as far as I made out of Harriet's remarks over breakfast, she hoped the 'gentlemanly manner' in which her Clive had promised (as had Lord C) to deal with her brother, didn't include anything violent.I had not until that moment thought of this possibility and Lord C's potential involvement into such gentlemanly...
July 25th, 1763
After Lord C had shown me his library, I wanted to read some of those books and now, that Harriet and I are alone and can't possibly visit all people around here every day, we decided to stay in the library. It is unbearably hot today but in this room. Since it is so warm this summer, I noticed how perfectly well Mrs Lewis had trained the staff to move around the house and shutting and opening the Venetian blinds according to the sun. I will keep that in mind, when we stay at other places. I never saw any of our servants running about at Wortham, nor ever hearing mama advice such things. Maybe she needn't bother; I should...
July 24th, 1763
I dreamt of my husband last night.
It was dawn, when I woke with a start. First I couldn't make out what had startled me so. But slowly I remembered the dream and had to sit up straight to digest it.
After breakfast, H and I went into the shrubbery to relish the cherries. I have some very sweet at the moment, as Isaac brought them in after dinner. I would have Mrs Redbourn bake a cherry pie (I still should ask her), but as Lord C isn't here to enjoy it; well, they might return in time for the rest of the fruits to be due.
I am more calmed down now, but in the shrubbery with H analysing my changed disposition towards my husband,...
July 23rd, 1763
Ms B called this morning and Mrs H and her daughter came later to tea. We were invited to the Barrett's tonight for cards and stayed quite long; Mr B's sister insisting on some music as well.I lost twice at Quadrille and Harriet rather liked to sit with Lady Humberdross, who never played cards or anything...Sir H was not a good partner for me, as he never remembered which card was trump. After the second lost game I decided to relieve Mrs Kettle from from staying all night behind the harpsichord and, selfishly (i wouldn't lie to myself here), hid behind the instrument. It was soothing not to be bothered by anyone.When we...
July 18th, 1763
After the gentlemen had left very early, I couldn't find any sleep whatsoever and then found Harriet awake as well. We didn't bother to wait for breakfast and just had tea, startling the housemaids not accustomed to see their mistress or a guest up and about at this hour and literally being in their way preparing the house for us coming down - which would have been much later usually... So we went for a walk in the garden, not hungry at all. We happened to walk quite far out into the park, sometimes talking, sometimes being silent, and only noticed we had lost our orientation, when we were finally hungry. Had it not been...
July 17th, 1763
I needn't have bothered to ponder the question last night. My husband came into my bedroom this morning to bid farewell and even dared to tell me, that he would miss me.
How cruel!
I hadn't slept well or at all that night and was quite exhausted. I realized him sitting on the edge of my bed, caressing my hair. It is awfully mean of me to be somehow annoyed by his behaviour towards me. I mean, his kind behaviour towards me! How do I deserve it anyway? I am afraid I really begin to like him, as if it is not already enough that I respect him. But his perfect conduct, especially in comparison with his brother, is reminding me...
July 16th, 1763
I had the breakfast brought up into my parlour, so that Harriet and I had time to discuss what troubled us most and our husbands were in Lord C's study anyway. Brittles informed me that they are planning to leave for London and H and I knew they want to seek out Max.The men of course wouldn't inform us about any details, and though we are affected, they will defend their and our honour, in a gentlemanly way...Despite that, I would like to know what exactly my father knew about all of that mess. He must be roughly informed about something. Jeremiah knows! I begin to suspect anything!nightAgain, after we all went to our chambers,...
July 15th, 1763
I haven't slept so well for a long time and I awoke quite contentedly this morning. The post didn't bring any news from Harriet, but I was sure she must get my letter today or tomorrow morning at the latest. Still, I was uneasy when and when Lord C came to the breakfast parlour (from his study, I suppose. He's always up so very early...), he sensed my mood and lingered a bit too long over my hand (for my taste). Still holding it, he smiled encouraging.
But one shouldn't halloo 'til you're out of the wood!
Oh, why is all coming down on me at once!? Still having Harriet's disturbing words in my head, no clue what to do about...
July 14th, 1763
Now it is done.
Yesterday at dinner; well, before dinner - I got it over with and started with the easiest task to open up to my husband: I told him, that 'I' ordered a stew, vegetables and boiled meats for the first course of the meal, then a peacock pie and bread buns coated with cheese sauce and for dessert some fresh and sugared fruits (candied pineapple) as it was quite hot and I didn't want it too elaborate for only the two of us. [We had no guests, as usual, and] I hoped he would approve of my choice.
It was a great success I think, because he first just stared at me, then had to clear his throat at least half a dozen...
Letter to Harriet
Leyland Manor, July 13thMy dearest Harriet,since I got your note yestermorning, I have read it a dozen times, and though I am glad you immediately informed me of what had happened I am more confused and concerned than enlightened.I cannot wait til you may write again and have to ask you for more particulars about what your parents said and what Clive could tell you later.It all must be a misunderstanding! did you see your brother or is he still in town or wherever? he must know more about it, as he was the one in the first place to be surprised about your marriage and disaproved that your parents did not object you chosing...
July 13th, 1763
I decided to finally write a letter to Harriet and ask her for more particulars, especially as I cannot wait another day for a more precise narration of her.Since their departure the meals together with Lord C are a trying thing to endure. I try to converse with him about general matters and he politely answers and inquires about my day. Though I can clearly feel he's disapproving my non-house-working attitude, he doesn't say a single word. Another, not discussed problem between us is our non-marriage. It is burning in his eyes - since Harriet made me look more closely, I am more than aware of my husband's supressed feelings...
June 25th, 2010
The staff of the Leyland Manor Research Center and the author of the Leyland Manor Diary proudly announce the new Project Homepage: The Leyland Manor Project at Google Sites. The Research Center will soon move completely to the Project Page and will close it's Blogger Adress. You are of course welcome to the new Homepage and we are looking forward to your contributions and feedback!
LM-sta...
July 12th, 1763
The last two days were awful indeed.
After rereading Harriet's letter more than I should have, I have now to face Lord C at the dinner table and try not to show my confused state of mind.
What is it suppose to mean, that he and my family in a way contributed to the ruin of Harriet's family? I am at a loss, but how could I ever find a way of asking his Lordship such a question; I wouldn't even dare to ask my parents....
Letter from Harriet
*** Park, July 9th 1763
Dearest Emy,
I write this note in haste, just to inform you of our departure from my father's estate the mere minute we arrived. Clive is very upset about the treatment we suffered and quite determined never to talk to my parents again. I still can't recall what really happened. The whole house was in an uproar when Smidgeon announced our coach. My Lord and I barely had crossed the threshold when I heard my father roar we're never to set a foot on his grounds again. Clive sent me outside and the arguing began. I got a glimpse of my mother and sister behind the drawing room window and mother was clearly...
July 10th, 1763
I should have found an excuse not to have to give my Sunday School class today. I had no sleep at all last night and almost slept in during service.It was strange to be alone again at Leyland. And having dinner with Lord C without any other companions was nerve-wracking to no end. We talked just a little and only about the most trivial things imaginable. Then he left for his library, telling me not to bother with tea. I went for the Music Room, playing my harp. But my restless fingers couldn’t get to any notable melody. So I decided to go to bed and left the room towards the backstairs. There was Lord C, leaning against the...
July 9th, 1763
Updated entry:
When I woke today, I couldn't quite persuade myself to get up and start with my usual morning habits. Harriet was gone, visiting her family. When the moment of farewell came, I was mentally frozen. I wished her and Clive a good journey, thanked them for their visit (and they in return thanked us for our hospitality and kindness) - all very formal phrases in completely unformal behaviour. My dearest friend did hold me tight for a considerable amount of time. A thought crossed my mind that Lord C would harrumph at the sight of this, but he didn't and I was glad... - so my mind was then singularly occupied with...
July 8th, 1763
It was our last day and Harriet and I spent our time in my apartment. We had our meals there together and left the men to themselves. I didn't want to think about the hour of her leaving. I was anxious to have her advice before she would leave and to have a clue about what to do about my married life. There was no way I could have asked for help from my family and also Miss B didn't made a position on such a list though she was so dear to me. Strangely enough that I want our neighbourhood to think us mutually harmonious, I came to the conclusion that I want it for Lord C's sake....
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